Coaching and Support for awake humans

The Change Cycle is a model for understanding how humans move through change that I learned from and give credit to my wayfinding mentor, Martha Beck. It uses the metamorphosis of a caterpillar to butterfly as a metaphorical illustration of change and how to work with the square of change you’re in.

For example, if you’re in the caterpillar goo square — which happens following a jarring disruption that moves you into a deeply liminal space — making plans, setting goals, and working through resistance are nonsensical courses of action. But that’s what much of the coaching industry is focused on doing (just follow the money to understand why).

Wayfinder coaches know that the caterpillar goo square cannot be bypassed without consequence, and so I’ll employ tools that are appropriate for it. In this case, I’ll probably be holding (a lot of) space, knowing that this is an important part of the process and that you won’t stay here forever. There are clear signs when clients transition between squares, and we have some pretty incredible tools to work with in each.

Just a note that The Change Cycle is a model, and models rarely perfectly capture anyone’s lived experience. It’s a tool I use as a Wayfinder Master Coach when it’s useful, but it’s not the Bible. And as the client, you can always say, “I get that I’m in Square One, but I don’t have the luxury of inaction right now,” and we’ll absolutely work with that. Again, it’s about meeting you where you’re at.

As my former client Sarah Woodard shared in her testimonial:

“I love how when I was honest that what you offered at one point didn't vibe, you kept digging and searching in your tool box for something that would work. You didn't just go "well this is what I do, so..." You were like "okay, let's keep seeing what else we can try." And found a path forward.”

Your inner knowing is a wise, dependable, and trustworthy guide, and one of the most foundational aspects of our work is to access her/them/him. I call my inner guide La Que Sabe, The One Who Knows in a nod to Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés masterpieace Women Who Run With The Wolves. If you’re game, I’ll encourage you to personify your inner knowing by anointing her/them/him with a name that resonates.

Your inner knowing communicates with you all of the time, whether you recognize it or not. Many clients come to their first wayfinding call having never given much thought to this, and even sometimes in disbelief that they can count on “themselves” to guide them well. The thing is that your inner knowing isn’t actually you — it’s deeper than that. It’s like a collective soul wisdom that gets filtered through the lens of your own unique human incarnation. By personifying this wellspring of wisdom, I’ve found that it becomes more intuitive to revere and rely on.

Our initial work will involve getting to recognize how your inner guide communicates with you. For most clients, this happens via palpable physical sensations. For many clients, there is also an energetic shift or intrinsic knowing. And for those times when we want a yes/no answer, I have tool that can be used in the moment and in virtually any situation.

Other tools that we can use to gain clarity when the sought after answer isn’t a yes or no include journeying meditations, tarot and oracle cards,* dream analysis, metaphor, and channeling.

*Note: I’m not a tarot reader — I mostly rely on Lindsay Mack’s Tarot for the Wild Soul book and her Soul Tarot deck. I also have other awesome tarot and oracle decks that we can break out. It’s not a standard practice for me to offer this in a wayfinding session, but if it’s of interest to you, please let me know in your application!

When we think in binaries or fixate on worst case scenarios, we stay stuck, feel resigned, and/or otherwise do a massive disservice to ourselves. But when we approach things from a place of deep curiosity and invite creativity to join us, we find that there are often a multitude of paths we can take when faced with challenging — even impossible — situations.

When we lead with curiosity, we may ask ourselves questions like I wonder what would happen if I tried this? or what would the person I deeply admire try doing if this was happening to them? And then we try on these ideas, knowing that it’s not the end of the world should we fall.

When faced with seemingly hopeless binaries (such as an intolerable job coupled with no safety net), we may also ask ourselves questions like how might I minimize how many '“spoons” my job takes from me? in what ways can I fill my cup more outside of my job? how might I honor myself in this experience through art, ritual, or something else?

Even when we do face binaries — say when we have to either do or not do something — and our choices induce stress, we can get curious about our response to both our stress and whatever lies ahead. Insights gleaned from getting curious in such circumstances and responding creatively can open doors that are deeply soul-aligned.

I almost didn’t include this because there is a lot of collective trauma stemming from mindset work. But it is a powerful tool that I do regularly use in my coaching practice — with my client’s express consent.

But first, we will never, ever:

• Bypass structural realities imposed by oppressive systems like capitalism, white supremacy, patriarchy, antisemitism, transphobia, etc.

• Employ any extremely privileged, self-blaming strategies, including those carrying the slogans love and light or high vibes only or that require law of attraction-style manifesting.

• Use Byron Katie’s The Work to bypass abuse, trauma, or any structural realities forced on us by oppressive systems like capitalism, white supremacy, etc.

The kind of mindset and mindset-adjacent work I do with consenting clients includes:

• Distancing them from their thoughts via ACT and similar tools. This is a client favorite and can be quite comical!

• Using The Work when exploring resistance to things (thoughts, actions, decisions, etc.) that are in integrity for them.

• Giving resistance an opportunity to speak (as opposed to conquering it) before employing mindset work.

• Exploring who they need to become, what they need to let go of, or the mindset they need to adopt so that they can bring their vision to life.

Moving into deeper integrity is our work, and everything else we do when we wayfind is done to support this.

When you tune into your inner guide and let curiosity guide you, you begin to move into deeper integrity with who you truly are — with your soul. And living in deep integrity with your soul is what is going to:

• Bring you the most richness, fulfillment, and purpose in life,

• Expand your capacity for experiencing sublime feelings like joy, awe, contentment, peace, and of being wildly alive, and

• Increase your resilience for navigating this existential dumpster fire we’re all in.

This is where we integrate The Change Cycle, our inner knowing, our creativity and curiosity, mindset work, and turtle (or incremental) steps. If we are struggling with a situation, we seek clarity and responses that are in integrity; if we are exploring opportunities, we make sure that they are in integrity; if we are feeling lost, we ensure that any steps we take are in integrity even — no, especially — when we have no idea where we’re headed.

For many wayfinders, there will come a point when we find that we are living this way naturally. Of course, this doesn’t mean that everything is glorious, that we never face stress, or that we instantly always have clarity! But it does mean that we’ve equipped ourselves to navigate even the most challenging, liminal times without losing ourselves in the process.

I used to just call them turtle steps (as my mentor does) to signify the ease in taking steps that are tinier than baby steps. But sometimes — especially for those of us who work best in sprints — turtle steps aren’t as motivating as, say, cheetah steps (because, hello speed!). Or for when we’re faced with risks, toddler steps (because toddlers don’t worry about down). Or for times when courage is needed, honey badger steps (because honey badgers are ballsy enough to do things like attack cobras).

Speaking of, here’s a link to that viral YouTube video about honey badgers from a bazillion years ago. So good!