Helping you move into deep integrity with who you are

Most versions of my story begin in the 1990s with either my near-fatal suicide attempt (c. 1996) or my decision to drop out of university, give away my possessions, and pitch my tent next to a tipi in a last-ditch effort to stop a highway reroute (c. 1999). 

Those versions highlight the shifts I went through in my 20s that led me to take radical ownership of my life and choose integrity over conformity, and they continue with me returning to college as a 30 year-old single mom and then attending graduate school before accepting a dream job with great ladder-climbing potential (c. 2012).

But let’s fast-forward to December 2021.

I was contending with extreme burnout at a highly toxic workplace when I awoke one morning to agonizing shoulder pain. My doctor was dumbfounded, but I intuitively knew that the pain was my body telling me that it would no longer tolerate such incongruence.

Two months later, I handed in my notice — despite having a boatload of debt, paltry savings, and zero job prospects.

In other words, I didn’t wait for that one perfect day in the future when the stars aligned — when my debts were paid off, my emergency fund boasted six month’s worth of living expenses, and I had an offer in the pipeline — before taking action.*

*I do need to acknowledge my privilege: I had access to credit, paid “rent” to my partner who then paid the mortgage on our home (I doubt he would have kicked me out had I missed a few payments), and — worst case scenario — could have moved into my parent’s lovely home in Montana…with them, of course. Takeaway:  I had access to resources that many people who live paycheck-to-paycheck don’t have.

My decision was highly irresponsible when viewed through a capitalist and cultural lens. And to that I say who fucking cares.

Capitalism is a completely unnatural and exploitative system that is rotten to its core, so why TF shouldn’t we challenge it? 

As for culture, I admit that there’s nuance. Culture includes our loved ones who mistake our security for our wellbeing. It includes a populace that feels entitled to do what it wants — the climate, the Global South, etc. be damned. And it includes a collective that mistakes conformity for responsibility. 

But even in the noblest expressions of culture, deferring our integrity so as to placate others deserves a spot at the hell no! table. It is our moral imperative to move into deeper integrity with our souls — it is not our moral imperative to languish so as to not rock the boat.

There will always be a reason why now’s not the time to take scary but life-affirming actions that move us into deeper integrity with our true nature. We talk ourselves out of doing the things that amplify uncertainty, build resilience, and (ultimately) pave the way to creating a more fulfilling and purpose-driven life.

But the paths that our avoidance offers are pretty glum: 

• The path of rot:  our bodies, spirits, and mental health deteriorate; negativity permeates everything.

• The path of grey:  we live on a hamster wheel that — while (somewhat) tolerable — creates an unfulfilling, mediocre life.

• The path of regret:  we remain fixated on what could have been; we live in the past rather than the present; we lack agency; this path may run parallel to and/or will be the end point of the other glum paths.

• The path of distraction:  this path runs parallel to the other glum paths and has us doing whatever we can to distract ourselves — via screens, binges, booze, shopping, scrolling, gaming, etc. — from our unfulfilling lives.

Conversely, the path of deeper integrity — of wayfinding — offers us felt liberation, enhanced wellbeing, and more aliveness.

This path challenges us in ways that build our resilience, deepen our sense of purpose, and make us better humans. It demands that we consume less (and to stop viewing this as a sacrifice), be willing to challenge cultural expectations, and entrust our souls to guide us.

In other words, this path isn’t a cake walk. But it’s important. 

Before I wrap things up, I’d like to invite you to fast-forward to your death bed. When you are looking back on your life — as the dying tend to do — how will you view the decisions you’re facing at this juncture in time? Did you choose what truly mattered, or did you play it safe? Did you follow the paths of rot, grey, distraction, and/or regret? Or did you follow the path of deeper integrity? 

Now, ask your dying self what wisdom she/he/they have for you as you consider your current path.

That is all.

Quitting my job didn’t magically transform my life, but it did give me space to recalibrate. I was unemployed for five months, during which time I significantly increased my consumer debt, drained the entirety of my savings, and stressed about what TF I was going to do come August — all deeply trying and unpleasant experiences that were byproducts of my decision (and lifestyle choices). 

Despite these unpleasantries, I felt more liberated, alive, and resilient. I gained more self-respect, confidence, and resolve. And I set a hard boundary: I would no longer work for Corporate America.

In July, a recruiter named Emma reached out about a gig at a nonprofit organization. When I pushed back due to its mediocre pay, she responded “My gut tells me that you should give this organization a chance.” What recruiter talks like that?! I did give that organization a chance, and four years later I’m still there. 

And as for Emma, she quickly became a soul sister before dying of cancer four months later. RIP, Emma. She was so full of life, and her sudden terminal diagnosis and death were powerful reminders of how precarious and short life can be. Takeaway: don’t squander it.

Today is August 24, 2026, and I am now 50 years old. I’m in the thick of perimenopause, with a recent AuDHD diagnosis to boot. Perimenopause is a powerful era for women, as many of us lose our ability to mask (which I argue is a survival mechanism), and as we find that we have far fewer fucks to give when others judge our refusal to conform.

I realized many years back that ladder-climbing wasn’t for me — not because I lacked the intelligence, ambition or credentials to (one day) join the ranks of executive leadership, but because neither the time nor the “deeper integrity” tradeoffs were worth it to me. This recognition has served me well both in my own life and as a coach.

I'll end with this:  if you are a kind human and would like to have a conversation about how coaching can help you navigate the challenges and uncertainties you’re facing and/or create the changes your soul’s yearning for, please click here. 

Despite being an ICF-credentialed coach and Martha Beck-certified Wayfinder Master Coach, I find much of the coaching industry to be capitalism’s puppet and completely out of touch with the realities that many of us face. For starters, no amount of manifesting or bootstrapping BS that so many (mostly cis-white) coaches parrot can reliably compensate for a lack of access to resources (e.g. money, time, childcare, networks, location, education, an abled body).

Issues of privilege aside, most of the group business coaching programs for coaches+ (follow that?!) I’ve ever joined — including those for people who allegedly dance at the edges like me — have been filled with coaches working towards enrolling their dream gigs and clients: corporate contracts and executives. Clients whose desired outcomes include increased productivity and profits (e.g. execs) — profits that those who trade their labor for a wage will never see — are most definitely not my dream clients.

My dream clients are kind humans who would rather be less useful to capitalism than become its next success story.  But a part of me understands the lure of the corporate or executive client: unlike most of us, they have budgets to pay for coaching, and a coach without a full client roster needs a day job. Ahem…that would be me. 

The world I long for is a return to the village, where each person’s talents and skills are revered and offered freely. But that’s not the world we live in (yet), and my current options are to either trade my integrity via corporate and executive coaching gigs or trade my labor for a wage as I coach on the side. For me, the answer is a no-brainer.