Ownership and integrity.
These two principles have the potential to transform your life in every – and I mean every – area. At least this has been my experience.
Note: elements of this post – particularly the “Ownership” section – were inspired by both my own life AND a lesson in Steve Chandler‘s Coaching Prosperity School.
Principle #1: ownership
In this context, ownership means taking responsibility for (or ownership of) your life experience.
It’s adopting the motto: Life happens for you, not to you.
It’s finding the lesson to be learned or gift to be uncovered in every situation.
It’s viewing challenges or setbacks as opportunities.
And it’s the antidote to victimhood, where life happens to you.
The opposite of ownership: victimhood
A victim thinks in terms of “should.”
“I should do [insert something they’re avoiding].”
Or, “This shouldn’t be happening.”
But an owner thinks in terms of “would” or “could.”
“What would my Higher/Future Self do in this situation?”
Or, “What lesson could I learn from this to make my life better?”
Most people I’ve met are victims, at least situationally.
They bemoan their circumstances, distract themselves from their lives, or live in “the shoulds.”
And yet they rarely recognize this in themselves, and most would rather stay in victimhood than move into ownership. Why?
Because being an owner of your life means that you’re responsible for how it turns out.
Note: victimhood is not an all-or-none thing. For example, I occasionally notice myself being a victim. Thankfully, it’s no longer a comfortable place for me to reside and I exit it quickly.
Try this to move from victimhood to ownership
We are remarkable storytellers, at least to ourselves. It’s amazing, in fact, just how elaborate our stories are and the lengths we’ll go to believe them!
AND we can swap out our disempowering inner narrative as quickly as we developed it.
Here’s one way to do this.
Start with a thought that’s steeped in victimhood. Now, condense it down to a short sentence and keep your feelings out of it. Bonus points if you include the word should.
Example: my boss should have promoted me.
If you were a client, I’d be all over doing The Work (by Byron Katie) with you. But let’s keep this simple and succinct.
Take your simplified thought and rephrase it so that it means the opposite.
Example: my boss shouldn’t have promoted me.
Now, find three examples that make this statement true.
Next, take your simplified thought and turn it into an “I” statement.
Example: I should have promoted me.
Now, find three examples that make this statement true.
There are many iterations to this. Byron Katie calls these turnarounds, and some will be challenging to work with. So, get creative!
Once you’re done, notice which turnarounds offered you insights. If you’re anything like me, you’ve like let go of your original, victim-steeped thought. [If you haven’t, try doing The Work in its entirety, as Byron Katie lays out beautifully here.]
Another way to move from victimhood to ownership is to simply decide to do so. Seriously! And then, you’ll want to pay close attention to your thoughts and words. Yes, you’ll backtrack. A LOT. The key is to recognize it when you do and then consciously swap victimhood for ownership.
One final note is that this is absolutely NOT about victim-blaming or bypassing anything that it would behoove you to process. Like, if you get fired, I’m not suggesting that you “find the gift” while fighting back tears in your (now ex) boss’s office. FUCK THAT. This isn’t is never intended to be any sort of weird Law of Attraction mental masturbation.
In a situation like this, please give yourself full permission to GRIEVE. And when you’re ready to move on, ask for the gift. If you were in a toxic work environment, the gift is probably pretty obvious. Just saying.
[Note: if you experienced something truly horrendous, it may feel more aligned to ask for how you can grow from the experience (or some iteration of that) rather than to ask for the gift.]
Once you’ve become the owner of your life experience, you’ve taken a crucial step towards creating a life that’s going to set your spirit on fire and radically change things for the better.
Now, let’s look at the second principle.
Principle #2: integrity
When I say integrity, I’m not talking about being honest with others or honoring your word, though I hope you do both. Rather, I’m talking about living in integrity with who you truly are.
This means you do what your Higher Self, future Self, true nature, Soul – whatever word lands – would do in any given situation.
Let’s talk about BEing
Who are you, deep down, beneath all that cultural and familial conditioning? You know, at your essence? BEing is all about reconnecting “you” with “her.”
Another way to approach BEing is to ask yourself who you want to be in this situation (or in life!) and then become that person.
Caveat: you’ll need to discern that who you want to become is in alignment with who you truly are. If it’s not, you’ll go places that aren’t meant for you, which means your life won’t be as awesome as it could be.
So, discernment is important, and the next section will help you to discern what’s aligned and what’s not.
Looking at decision-making through a new lens
Forget the pros and cons lists when you’re trying to make a decision. Those keep you in your head, and as the saying goes, the mind makes a wonderful servant but a terrible master.
Instead, take a walk without trying to solve your problem. Or meditate. Or – my absolute favorite – take a journey to meet your future Self (here’s a free guided journeying meditation to do just that). Or journal the answer to your question with your non-dominant hand.
The goal is to connect you to your creativity instead of your intellect.
Combining the principles of ownership and integrity to change your life
Taking ownership of your life from a place that’s out of integrity with who you truly are will create change. But fulfillment, inner peace, and joy won’t be coming along for the ride.
And, living in integrity with who you truly are but retaining a victim mindset is a direct path to disappointment. Because you will still face painful moments…without uncovering their gifts.
It’s when you adjust your paradigm by applying the principles of ownership and integrity that your life will change. Probably radically.
Final thoughts
This post has a different tone than my other posts and is, admittedly, a bit preachy. But it flowed out of me so fast and with nearly zero resistance that I didn’t want to change it. I rarely experience this enviable state of flow, so I figured I must be onto something!
Take what you like and leave the rest. And, if this post speaks to you deeply, consider booking a zero-pressure exploratory Wayfinding call with me. Because these are some of the things we do when we Wayfind. And because they’ll fucking change your life.
That is all.
