My life’s work is to help elevate the collective consciousness of humanity, and one of the ways I do this is through facilitating sacred sister circles. In this blog, we’ll explore one of the most important yet rarely employed practices that has the potential to greatly uplevel sacred circles: the fostering of true equity and inclusivity in sharing.
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So, what do I mean by “true equity and inclusivity in sharing”?
It’s quite simple: in the circles I facilitate – and what I’d love to see all sharing circles incorporate – is the practice of holding space for the same amount of time for each sister, whether she shares with words or silence.
By “true equity and inclusivity in sharing” I also mean that sharing does not occur “popcorn style” but rather moves around the circle based on the first person who volunteers to share.
I spent a few minutes riffing on why this is such an important practice. You can listen to that below.
What do I not mean by “true equity and inclusivity in sharing”?
This is not a formal exercise in DEIB (diversity, equity, inclusion, and belonging); it’s simply about creating an equal playing field for everyone to share.
It’s also never about “forcing” anyone to share who doesn’t want to share; it’s simply about witnessing and holding space for every sister present.
What this looks like in practice
This is a bit nuanced, and it looks differently for in-person circles vs online circles.
Regardless of the location of the circling container, there’s a time-keeper, who’s probably (but not necessarily) the facilitator. The math’s simple: divide the available time by the number of sisters present, and be sure to include a small buffer.
When a sister’s time is up, the time-keeper gently and respectfully indicates that it’s time for the sister to wrap up her share and pass the talking piece.
I have been doing this since mid-2022, and I’ve found that it’s not at all clunky nor disruptive if done with mindfulness and intention. This is something that we’ll be working with intimately in my upcoming Sacred Circle Facilitator training program. [Side note: early bird incentives close Sept. 18, 2024, and all applications for the Fall 2024 cohort must be in by October 20.]
And, it’s amazing just how much more open sisters seem to be, knowing that they have a few more minutes to let their thoughts percolate – without feeling rushed to pass the talking piece. Sometimes the really raw, really vulnerable shares come after an extended bout of silence – shares that would have been missed in absence of this equity in sharing practice.
Applications for other containers
Equity in sharing is a practice that can also be adapted to other containers. For example, Quiet Marketer Dani Gardner modified it to work in her group mentoring containers in a way that limits how much time a single participant can occupy during Q&As.
My lived experience
Equity in sharing is a topic that’s dear to my heart. It’s so dear, in fact, that I recorded both an audio and video for you to hear why in my own words.
For those of you who prefer text to recordings, I’ve included the transcription for the YouTube video below.
Audio version
YouTube version
YouTube Transcript
Sisters, Kristi Amdahl here. I just wanted to take a moment to talk a little bit about this whole equity and sharing piece that is a fundamental teaching in the Sacred Circle Facilitator training program that I’m offering this fall of 2024, but it’s also an element that, um, it’s a practice that I employ in every single Sacred Sister Circle that I facilitate.
And I want to talk about why that is, why I think it’s so important, why I would love to see every freaking sacred sister circle throughout the world employ this practice. So I’m just going to share my own lived experience. I am an introvert and for much of my life, I did not feel safe or comfortable taking up space.
I didn’t feel worthy of taking up space. For some reason, I always felt like other people deserved like having a floor before I did. And this goes back to my early childhood. So when I’m sitting in a circle. And the facilitator or the circle leader opens the floor for sharing. Usually they’re very, you know, they’re very conscientious in the sense that they’ll invite everyone who feels called to share, to share.
And it’s not like there’s a hierarchy where this person shares first and this one share a second. I mean, there are some circles that do sort of like an elders first and everything, but in general, it’s usually like popcorn style who feels like sharing me. Okay. That person shares. Well, as an introvert who doesn’t feel comfortable taking up space and who self worth used to be in the toilet, I would sit back and I would always defer to everyone else in the circle.
And so the extroverts often would speak up first, someone with a burning desire to share would speak up and there wasn’t really much attention paid to how long each sister shared. So the people who would share earlier in the circle often took up, um, more than what their fair share of time was. By the time everyone else shared, because I kept deferring to everybody else by the time everyone else shared.
And it’s like, I’m the only one standing, right. We’re out of time. Or at least I feel the pressure of being out of time. Right. It’s like if I were to share six minutes, like person one, two, and three shared, we would be running over time. And when I have that pressure on myself, this is all self imposed pressure, mind you.
But when I have this pressure on myself, I don’t share like I would share. Otherwise, I don’t share what’s truly on my heart. I don’t feel like everyone cares enough to hear what I have to say. And so that circle is not the powerful experience for me that it could have been. If it had been facilitated with a concept of equity and sharing in mind.
So on one side of the coin, you could say, well, this is my own responsibility. I need to take ownership. You know, I have personal agency. I can push through my comfort zone or discomfort zone and share it anyway. Right. And that’s on me. Okay. But as a facilitator of sacred sister circles, and as someone who believes that.
Through good facilitation, we can help elevate the collective consciousness of humanity and create a totally different life experience for the sisters who are in circle with us. I feel like it’s my duty and my responsibility to create a container to facilitate in such a way where there is none of this, like none of this dynamic that I was just sharing about how I used to be.
And so there’s ways we do that. And this is part of the sacred circle facilitator training that I’m offering. I also talk about a little bit in some blog posts, but creating a system where every sister has equal time to share, whether it be in words or silence. And I’m going to tell you that this is one of the most cherished elements and practices in my circles.
This is what sisters time and time again, come to me after circle and are like, Oh my gosh, thank you so much. And another thing, another thing that often happens. So if each, if each sister in a circle, for example, gets five minutes to share, she shares maybe for a minute and a half. And then she goes silent.
We’re still holding space for her for full five minutes. Even if she doesn’t say anything, we’re holding space for her. And then maybe after a minute of silent, she speaks again and tears are running down her face. And she’s having this like massive, massive epiphany. Something’s happened. There’s been a major shift in her.
I want to cry right now thinking about it. This happens. This happened just the other day in the last circle I had facilitated. It’s like in silence. Is when the magic happens. It’s that way in coaching as well, but we’re not talking about coaching here. We’re talking about sacred circles, but anyway, it’s that silence.
And most of those opportunities get missed when we facilitate circles in a way where it’s like, okay, I’m done sharing here. Pass the talking piece. Most of those opportunities get missed. So equity and sharing. I hope this video, maybe shed a little bit of light on why I think it’s so important. Um, I promise it doesn’t have to be clunky.
I mean, there’s, yes, there’s timekeeping involved and stuff, but it’s very, it’s a very smooth transition and the way I do it. So if you’re interested in this concept, If you’re interested in becoming a freaking incredible rockstar Sacred Circle facilitator, a facilitator of transformation, whatever, if you’re interested in that, I invite you to explore the Sacred Circle facilitator training program that I am offering.
It’s truly groundbreaking and one of a kind. A link will be in the show notes, not show notes, in the description. This is not a podcast. Anyway, thank you.
Want more?
If you’re a sacred circle or sister circle or women’s circle facilitator and want to create more impactful circles, I invite you to apply for my ground-breaking Sacred Circle Facilitator Training Program.
This program is part lessons and teachings that I haven’t found in any other comprehensive circle leader training I’ve encountered. It’s part mastermind and group (and 1:1) mentoring and coaching. And, it’s ALL about sisterhood.
That is all.
Kristi Amdahl, Wayfinder Guide & Sacred Circle Facilitator
