The other day was decidedly rough. We’re talking superficial, developed world rough, where things just didn’t go the way I wanted them to and it was my attitude that sucked more than my circumstances.
I was feeling pretty emotional and couldn’t blame my hormones. I don’t normally contend with this sort of thing anymore thanks to a years-long meditation practice (among other things), and it all ended well. Years ago I would have probably tried to bypass what I was feeling and pull all the ‘high vibes only’ stops. But that doesn’t clear out the crud – it only buries it.
The other day was one of those days where life just didn’t deliver to me what I wanted, and for a while I ruminated over the story I told myself about why things should have been different than they were.
“He shouldn’t have said what he said.” “I shouldn’t have had to do this.” “He should have done what we agreed to do.”
But it’s the ‘should haves’ that kept me stuck in my story, which is absolutely insane because the story has passed and all I’m left to contend with in the moment is what actually IS.
When I argue with reality I lose, but only 100% of the time.
Byron Katie
Truly, it’s irrelevant whether things should have been different than they were, so instead of fighting it – a lose-lose situation – I had the awareness that I could improve my lot by choosing to reframe things…and then base my future actions accordingly.
So here’s how this played out for me.
I overheard a conversation that got my panties in a bunch (I hate that saying much like some people hate the word ‘moist’, but it just seems so appropriate that I’m running with it!). Mind you, what I overheard was no big deal at all and was easily ‘correctible’ on my part. But rather than address it or let it go, I rehashed it over and over and over again in my mind.
Then I had to commute downtown to the office, which – despite the fact I live in Chicago – can take a stressful 90 minutes out of my morning. When I got there, my workload was exceptionally light. Had I been home, I could have at least done my laundry during all that downtime, and so I ruminated over that story. Then, my commute home was unpleasant as always…and when I got home I remembered the conversation I’d overheard earlier and proceeded to go down that rabbit hole.
My wonderful partner deduced that something was bothering me, and we successfully addressed the issue. All should have been well, but I was still stuck in the story that my workday sucked. I had a great call with my soul sister and accountability partner, but then my partner didn’t come to bed and I went down another rabbit hole.
Yes, it’s as stupid as it sounds.
But, as I laid in bed stressed out and all pissy for no good reason, I decided to stop fighting reality. I gave myself permission to feel upset – to really feel the feels – and sulk in my woe-is-me story for like a hot minute. And then I dropped the story about how things should have been different from what they were.
And I said a prayer asking for help shifting my mindset away from what should have been.
I also took an edible in case it didn’t work.😂 I mean let’s be real – I am not enlightened and I needed my sleep! As I was finally drifting off, the edible kicked in and I began feeling all warm and fuzzy. An added bonus. And then my partner came to bed. Another added bonus.
That is all.
