In this blog, we’re going to explore how overspending, going into debt, and not saving has created enormous financial stress in my life…and how I changed my relationship with money. Hint: I’ve tried budgeting apps, strategies to prevent regretful spending, and even expensive money mindset programs, without success. The solution ended up being simple and free, and I’m on track to being consumer debt-free (and paying off nearly $60k in debt) by mid-2025.
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I’ve always been an overspender and impulse buyer.
Even as a kid, I was spending money I didn’t have on stuff I didn’t need (my financially responsible parents would often advance me my allowance).
Over the years, I’ve read books about managing money and budgeting and getting out of debt, and I’ve joined various money mindset and budgeting programs, but nothing really worked. I recall that one of the programs partially placed blame on our parents’ relationship with budgeting and money, but after my own deep-dive, I realized that this explanation didn’t land. At least not for a Wayfinder* like me whose parents managed to stick to their budget, were great at saving, and made wise financial decisions.
*If you’re not familiar with the term Wayfinder, my mentor Martha Beck offers a great post about it here.
The dopamine hit behind my overspending
What I did discover, however, is that I get a dopamine hit when I overspend. This explains why doing things like reciting affirmations to “change my money story” or tapping when I’m feeling anxious about money – two of the most prized tools in my former money mindset coach’s toolbox – proved ineffective for me.
A new relationship with money
But in December 2023, a year after I chose the path of sobriety, I found myself navigating a new and more soul-aligned relationship with money…even though I wasn’t actively seeking to change it.
So what happened?
It turns out that when I began focusing on living in integrity with my true nature (a byproduct of Wayfinding!), behaviors and habits that I’d always chalked up to “just being how I’m wired” – like overspending or a drinking a bottle of wine a day – began to fall away on their own.
The shift that changed everything
I never saw myself wanting to quit drinking…until one day, I just realized I was done with it. There wasn’t any real reason other than it felt more aligned to not drink than to continue drinking. As with all of my Wayfinding experiences, I never once had to white-knuckle it or do mental gymnastics to stay the course, either. It’s now been over 1.5 years since I’ve had a drink.
Similarly, spending money I didn’t have, ignoring my budget, and accumulating debt became things that no longer served me, and I became ready and willing to change my relationship with money.
Giving myself grace
Changing my patterns of over-spending and sticking to a budget have been more challenging than quitting drinking, and I’ve had certainly had “slip ups”! But I quickly return to a state of integrity with who I am and reconfigure my budget accordingly.
I also give myself grace for the impulse buys I sometimes still make or when I spend money that I ought to be saving on things that don’t add much value to my life.
This happened recently while I was on vacation in Montana, and again when I revamped my home office – which wasn’t in my budget! – to make it more functional. And it sometimes happens when I see an online program that speaks to me.
In most instances, though, even an impulse purchase ends up being aligned with my truth and hasn’t altered my credit cards’ payoff date…at least not by much.
The real cause of overspending
Overspending, impulse-buying, and recklessly ignoring a reasonable budget – resulting in financial hangovers like going into debt or hiding our spending from a partner – are often strategies we use to placate or soothe ourselves.
Why do we need placating or soothing?
Well, if our actions and thoughts aren’t in alignment with who we truly are, we’re bound to feel some degree of discomfort or dis-ease.
For example, when we experience FOMO (the fear of missing out), we might rely on self-soothing spending habits like buying something to get a short-lived dopamine hit. I know I’ve done this…a lot!
Or if something tells us that it’s time to step into our “life’s work” and we’re scared to make that leap, we might dodge this discomfort by increasing our credit card debt or otherwise ignoring our budget by spending money on another course we don’t really need.
This overspending-induced dopamine hit briefly soothes our discomfort but quickly increases our financial stress because we’re overspending instead of saving and, ultimately, ignoring our own financial goals.
To be clear, we’ll continue to experience this financial stress again and again until we’ve worked through the “lesson that needed to be learned.” At least that’s been my lived experience as a Wayfinder.
Getting curious about our spending urges
But if we choose to get curious when we feel the pull to engage in spending habits that don’t truly serve us – if we explore what is it that we truly want (hint: it’s a feeling, not a thing) – we can open ourselves to the wisdom of our truth and make decisions that are in integrity with who we truly are.
And, we can (finally!) stick to a budget that allows us to reach our financial goals.
Embracing your true nature
To end overspending – or any unwanted behavior, for that matter – it’s helpful to understand why we’re doing it in the first place.
So, I invite you to get curious about what’s driving your urge to overspend (or otherwise ignore your budget) so that you can understand what it is you’re truly yearning for. [Again, this tends to be a feeling or experience rather than a thing.]
Next, I invite you to seek out the counsel of your inner guide so that you can begin living in deeper integrity with your true nature; so that you can create more aligned spending habits, follow a budget that works for you, and reach your financial goals (both of which will serve you far better than impulsive spending and overspending ever will).
Your true nature embodies joy, and she yearns for you to experience it…even in the context of following a budget! She will not lead you astray. When you come to live in deep integrity with who you truly are, the desire to overspend dissipates, and a more purpose-driven and fulfilling life follows. Talk about freedom!
This is what we do when we Wayfind.
If you identified with this post and would like a seasoned guide to help you break the impulse-buying, overspending, budget-ignoring, or credit card debt-creating cycle via a holistic approach that will transform every facet of your life, I invite you to schedule a call with me.
That is all.
Kristi Amdahl, Wayfinder Guide & Sacred Circle Facilitator
