Inspiration for this post
I'm reading The Matriarch Effect — a very timely book written by Robyn Short for leaders in organizations. While I've actively avoided climbing leadership ladders since 2007, something nudged me to pick it up. And, I'm so glad I did.
Its premise is that matriarchy — which, btw, is not the flip side of patriarchy — centers the mother-child relationship, orienting authority as something that flows toward care rather than control, and toward the flourishing of others rather than the accumulation of power.
To directly quote Short:
"[It] demands that the person with more authority use the power inherent in that role in service of the person with less."
Though I was enjoying reading it, I wasn't sure why I'd felt nudged to do so until I reached the chapter: The Collaboration Advantage. Here, it hit me why I've struggled so deeply with mandated AI use at my job.
What follows may be very relevant to anyone who's struggling with culture, leadership, disempowerment, etc. in their workplace. In my case, it certainly applies to other workplace issues beyond AI.
And herein lies the elephant in the room: my workplace's stated core values are matriarchal (and are why I accepted their employment offer back in 2022), while much of its leadership approach is deeply patriarchal.
Matriarchal values vs patriarchal leadership
The organizational patriarchy — in this particular case, our CFO — rolled out the AI mandate (he's never called it that, but since he requires it, a mandate it is) and expected everyone to jump onboard.
There was never an invitation for those most likely to be negatively affected by forced AI use to help shape the organizational policy that would directly affect their mental health and quite possibly their continued employment.
And in the single engagement survey that leadership sent out about AI after mandating its use, every question was either leading or hyper-specific with multiple choice answers. In other words, there was no room for diverging opinions or genuine feedback.
While this is, tragically, how pretty much all of Corporate America operates, the organization I work for shares its matriarchal core values on their website. It does things like hold processing circles whenever POTUS does something particularly egregious, regularly sends out engagement surveys and makes an effort to learn from them and do better, and initiates policies that make it easier for employees to report integrity violations through external channels.
Circling back to my aha! moment
As I read the beginning of Short's chapter on collaboration, it hit me that I'm struggling the way I am because I feel violated — betrayed, actually — by my employer's callous delivery of an unnecessary policy from the highest levels of leadership.
The matriarchal-themed values posted prominently on its website and plastered front and center in our annual goal setting process were completely ignored.
This disconnect — this violation of integrity — matters deeply to me. And discovering the underlying reason why I responded so "poorly" (panic attacks, heart palpitations, and exponentially increased work stress) has led me to realize that much of the issue I'd previously attributed to AI actually may have had little to do with AI itself.
So now what?
That's all lovely, but having this insight does little more than affirm that — thanks to my AuDHD or being a Reflector or who the hell knows what else — my extreme level of justice sensitivity is a very real phenomena that I must contend with. But feeling affirmed by Short’s words doesn’t change the fact that — in the case of AI — my organization has made clear that my perspective, needs, and safety are irrelevant. It’s this incongruence between its stated core values and actions that is most disappointing.
AND my disappointment in my employer actually says a lot about my employer. I trusted our leadership to be different. I believed (and still believe) in the work we do. AND there have been instances where I've witnessed our leadership bring humility and extend grace to others when missteps are made — when integrity's been compromised.
This is actually pretty fucking important.
Prior to this insight, I'd seen the writing on the wall — that I'd probably lose my no-AI ADA accommodation and effectively be forced out of my job (most likely within a year) for failing to use it. And if we’re being realistic, that's probably still the case.
But something else happened as well: I experienced the deep desire to be a loving ally while actively demonstrating matriarchal leadership at a personal level, despite my low-on-the-ladder position.
On demonstrating matriarchal leadership
What does it look like to be a loving ally while actively demonstrating matriarchal leadership for someone like me? I’m still figuring that out.
Here’s my preliminary take: I can demonstrate matriarchal leadership — despite my lack of organizational standing — by staying rooted in our collective wellbeing, elevating disenfranchised voices, and speaking truth to power. I can remind myself that I have agency to speak up, even if doing so brings about consequences.
And I can be a loving ally by viewing those in power as allies in the greater struggle rather than hypocrites to the organizational values they espouse.
On following through
On elevating disenfranchised voices
I’ve already made a request to People and Culture about facilitating a processing circle, to elevate the voices of those harmed by mandated AI use that leadership has failed to seek out. If I don’t hear back soon, I will follow up with the invitation for them to allow me to facilitate it. And if my requests are denied, I may host my own circle outside of work and invite leadership to attend (I assume they won’t, but you never know). I need to sit with this last part a bit more…
On being an ally, speaking truth to power, and staying focused on our collective wellbeing
I've decided to handwrite a letter to our new president — a woman who I sense wants to bring a more matriarchal leadership approach to our organization (note: I don't know her, and I could be very wrong, but a few of her actions suggest this to me).
I'm going to include this letter in a copy of Short's book that I'm going to gift her, with the chapter on collaboration and a few of my own notes flagged. I'm going to invite her to reach out to have an in-person coffee chat if she'd like, and I'm not going to hold my breath.
But if she does reach out (and even if she doesn't), I'm going to do my damndest to let humility and the act of service to the greater good guide me and my work.
Fear creeps in
This has got to be the ballsiest thing I've ever contemplated doing from a professional standpoint. Who the hell am I to present a case to the president of an organization — one that has an annual budget of well over nine-figures — as to why we she should consider matriarchal leadership?! Have I fucking gone mad?!
This is not what senior financial analysts do. What does someone like me know about leadership? She's busy AF, so why the hell would she listen to me? She'll probably just pitch the book on her way home from the office and report the “incident” to my manager...
There are a million reasons why I shouldn't follow through.
Perhaps the wildest part is that the fear I feel stems from the possibility that the president may actually respond to me — that she'll be curious and want to involve me in some way into making our organization better. THE FEAR OF SUCCESS. And I'm afraid that I'll stumble on my words or sound stupid or what have you, as I'm not a great communicator.
But I'm not afraid that she'll ignore me or even that I'll in some way lose my job from this action. Isn't that interesting?!
Next steps
I'm putting this out there as a means of holding myself accountable. Feel free to follow up with me on this! Anyway, I need to...
finish Short's book before sharing it.
get very clear with myself what my objective is.
take my time drafting my letter.
order another copy of the book.
decide how I'll deliver it to her.
muster up the courage to follow through.
I'm estimating that I'll be ready to make the delivery by EOM.
Circling back to you
There's a lot packed into these reflections: fear of success, matriarchal vs patriarchal leadership, values disconnection, AI, etc. I don't have a great reflection prompt to offer you, but I am deeply curious as to what reading this might have brought up for you.
If you feel so inclined to share, hit reply! I absolutely love hearing from readers!
That is all.
Hi! I’m Kristi.
I help humans — mostly sisters & genderqueer kin — reject capitalism’s self-blaming narrative, center joy and creativity, and navigate hard things in hard times. Click here to learn more.
A note on AI: despite my love for em dashes, I promise you that I do not use generative AI to organize, write, or edit my posts…or anything else. I encourage you to read my AI Policy to learn more about how and why I don’t use generative AI.
