Reclaiming Our Dignity & Self-Worth

[00:00:00] Sisters, I want to thank you so much for being here for valuing this topic, the subject of reclaiming our dignity and self worth. Um, so let’s just dive right in. First, I need to tell you that I don’t know of any hacks when it comes to reclaiming our dignity and self worth and self love. I’m throwing that in there because it’s so closely related to these topics, these other topics.

For me, the process has been a journey. It’s one that I didn’t realize I was even on at times, and that required a lot of deep inner work. And only recently did I realize that I’d done some remarkable healing in these areas. So I want to take a minute or two to share my own journey with you, because if you’re struggling with these things, with dignity, with self worth and self love, I want you to know that I’ve been there too.

And for most of my life. Thank you. Where I’m at now at nearly 48 years old is a reflection of the inner work that I’ve done rather than [00:01:00] some characteristic that makes me different from you. So just needed to mention that. Also, if you do happen to relate to where I’m at now, freaking awesome. That makes my heart sing.

Anyway, my own journey dates back to 1980 or even earlier, taking up space, never felt safe from an emotional standpoint. I felt truly invisible both in my home and in school because I felt so unworthy of being seen. I was highly sensitive as a child and I still am today. And I used to not know how to manage that energy.

And I felt that I bore the weight of the world on my shoulders. I became depressed and suicidal for, uh, beginning at age nine or 10. And I, and that stuck with me for a good decade, varying degrees. Sometimes, you know, I’d have happy moments, but that was my story though. There’s always sort of depression, just kind of waiting in the background for those [00:02:00] years.

On my 20th birthday, I nearly died from an intentional overdose. After that, I was hospitalized in a psychiatric hospital. This is not my first time for being hospitalized for suicidal ideation or attempts. Uh, I spent two weeks there and then I went to, you know, I had a psychologist and psychiatrist. I was on a bunch of medications and all of that.

Uh, and I was so freaking miserable. And I remember a few months after I had been released from the hospital, I was in my psychiatrist’s office and he was like, I am so happy with your progress. As long as you keep taking these medications that you’re on for the rest of your life, you’ll, you can live a somewhat normal life.

And I was like, you’ve got to be freaking kidding me. I’m miserable. I got to, this is like the best you’ve got to offer me. This is my prognosis. Uh, you know, it was, it was a, a massive blow to me. Um, and shortly thereafter, It may have been the [00:03:00] same evening. It may have been like the next day. I don’t really remember timing now, but it was really shortly after I got that prognosis where divine intervention hit or something, and I heard a voice say, you are responsible for your own happiness, and this is what happened.

Was the spark I needed to turn my life around. So from that moment on, I started taking ownership of my life experience and I ditched the victim mentality. And for the next several years, and then onward, I did everything I could to live in alignment with my heart. Beginning in the early 2000s, mid 2000s, I worked weekly with a 12 step sponsor for seven years.

And this truly did change my life in so many incredible ways. Tell stuff sponsors can be like unofficial life coaches. And that was truly, truly my experience. Um, but I still didn’t love myself or feel all that worthy of taking up space. Life was just fine. It was decent or depending on what was going on.

I wasn’t depressed, but [00:04:00] neither was I joyful all that often. It was maybe four years ago and things really began to shift for me. So I grew stronger and found myself frequently feeling joy for no real reason other than the fact that I was alive began to recognize that not only that I was in fact worthy to take up space, but that it was essential that I begin doing so that mama earth was calling me to do so.

I was also a time when I stopped giving away my power away and I began changing how I engage with others. I stopped apologizing for my uniqueness or differing worldview or quirks. And I now have a rock solid sense of dignity that doesn’t leave me when I fuck something up. So, uh, I truly love myself and I’ve come to recognize my existence as a gift.

So one of my gifts is the ability to see souls, at least in the sense that I see through your social masks and stories, even when we’ve just [00:05:00] met. And I see your radiance and love in beingness when we interact, when we engage. For those of you who are into human design, I’d like to say that this comes from being a reflector.

Uh, and it also comes from my incarnation cross, but, um, anyway, and at least nine out of 10, definitely more than that, actually, out of the women I meet, it’s clear to me that they don’t see themselves as I see them, and this has lit a fire in my belly. So I regularly, um, I regularly hold space for women.

And coach women who struggled to embody dignity, self worth and self love. And so I looked to my own experience to see if there was anything I could share that might be useful to others. And we’re struggling. I spent some time contemplating my own transformation and looking back to the training I did to become a Wayfinder coach and I identified five actions and embodiments that I believe work in synergy together to catalyze my own transformation.

I [00:06:00] believe that these, that these actions and embodiments can also catalyze yours as well, if you apply them to the best of your ability. So, let’s get started. The first action and embodiment is to remember who we are, who we truly are, deep down beneath the person that society has conditioned us to be, and even beneath the level of our personalities.

This requires us to create an environment where we can access inner truths or inner guides. So I’m going to offer you three different approaches for creating this environment where we can access our inner guides. The first is that we can get quiet and listen. For example, we can meditate, we can journal, we can spend time in nature, we can stargaze, we can sit around a campfire, or we can notice our breath.

We can do breath work, we can deepen our breath, or just pay attention to [00:07:00] it. For me, I have a daily silent meditation practice. Uh, also the most powerful tool that I have to quickly move into stillness and to be able to listen involves two different forms of yogic breath work. They are Kapalabhati and also Moksha Kriya.

Now I’ve been trained in these in pranayama and to teach it, but I’m not, this is not, it goes beyond like the scope of this video, but if you do practice yoga, if you do have a, um, uh, a pranayama or breathwork practice, those are two that I invite you to explore more deeply for this purpose, if you’re not doing that already.

Um, and just, just a disclaimer, if you don’t have that practice, if you aren’t already practicing that, um, This is something that you should actually be trained in how to do as opposed to just doing a YouTube video. Okay. Anyway, [00:08:00] that’s it for the disclaimers. Um, getting quiet by doing these practices, uh, or others, uh, offers us the opportunity to hear our inner guides messages.

That’s why we do this stuff, or that’s why I’m advocating we do this stuff. And part of remembering who we truly are involves accessing our inner guides. And so with that, I invite you to take a moment. To consider which of these stillness practices might resonate with you, or maybe some other stillness practices that you can think of that I didn’t mention.

How might you incorporate one or two of them into your days? So um, maybe pause this video until you’ve identified a few and then, um, rejoin us.

So we can also create an environment where we can access our inner truths by regularly spending time doing things that nourish our spirits. For example, I love riding my rusty old single speed [00:09:00] pedal brake bicycle through the forest reserve or meandering very slowly through the park while I’m barefoot.

I also nourish my spirit When I lean into a pine tree and inhale its resinous scent. This is like one of my favorite things to do. Or, or when I’m journaling as the sun’s rising. Or when I’m looking for sea glass along a quiet stretch of Lake Michigan. Or freaking eating espresso granita on my front porch when it’s balls hot outside.

Or playing my guitar. One friend of mine creates this environment when she sits down at her potter’s wheel. And another sister of mine does so when she paints. So I invite you sister to consider what truly nourishes your spirit. What are you doing when time and thoughts disappear or you experience a deep wave of calm, maybe take a minute to, um, to pause a video and to ponder this and then pick [00:10:00] us pick back, pick things back up

the third. And perhaps one of my favorite ways of accessing my inner guide through, um, through stillness is to go on a journey to meet my future self. I love guiding people through these journeys and I have one that you can listen to it’s for free. It’s on my website. You don’t even have to give me your email to, to listen to it.

I listened to it again recently and it’s still freaking awesome. I recorded a couple of years ago and it’s freaking awesome today. So please listen to it and just give yourself 20 minutes to go on this journey. So let me ask you this. When have you felt your inner guides presence in the past? What were you doing when you did,

what does it take you to hear your inner guides presence [00:11:00] invite you to pause.

So the thing with each of these practices with moving into stillness with nourishing our spirits and with accessing inner guides is that they bring us to the present moment. They take us out of the stories we tell ourselves about who we are and instead allow us to tap into who we actually are. There is like no past or future in the present moment.

And this is where our true nature resides in the present.

The second action and embodiment is to live in integrity with our truth, with who we truly are. So the first was to remember who we truly are. The second is to live in integrity with who we truly are. So living in integrity with our truth involves trusting our truths to guide us with our deepest interests at heart.

It also involves us [00:12:00] committing to taking up space, which means we don’t apologize for being who we are, that we don’t play small in order to placate others. Um, yeah. And it also means living in integrity with our true nature, uh, or living in integrity with our true nature suggests that we act according to the guidance we receive from our inner guides or our body compasses.

The body compass is something I talk about a lot. Your body sends so many signals. And so, um, when we begin to do this for the first time, when we begin to live in integrity with who we truly are, it can be freaking terrifying. And, and, and liberating and freaking liberating. We might realize that we don’t actually enjoy spending time with certain people or doing certain things.

Uh, friends who only know our social, social selves and family [00:13:00] that expects us to conform to their expectations, aren’t likely to appreciate the changes we make when we begin to live in alignment with our truth. For example, if we realize that drinking or hanging out of bars, isn’t necessarily soul nourishing to us.

That’s probably going to change the dynamic we have with our social circles. Or if we decide that, say, gossiping or complaining about our jobs isn’t an integrity with who we are, our coworkers might stop hanging out with us in the break room. Or worse, they might talk about us behind our backs. So I’m not going to sugarcoat things.

Living in integrity with who we truly are can be downright scary. We risk losing relationships with those who only know and appreciate us when we’re wearing our social masks. We risk others animosity when we start living and sharing our truth. But when we don’t live in integrity with who we truly are, we aren’t fully and wildly alive.

And when we do live in [00:14:00] integrity with who we truly are, the richness and the depth and even new relationships our lives bring us show us that we are truly supported by the universe, by God, by whatever, pick what word resonates. So, dear sister, I invite you to consider what is a barrier you face when it comes to living in integrity with your truth.

And from there, what might you do, what, what do you need in terms of support when it comes to, you know, moving forward despite these barriers? I invite you to pause this for a moment and then come back when you’ve, um, thought about that.

The third action and embodiment [00:15:00] is to honor who we are. This will play out differently for each of us, but in working with women, I’ve noticed a few themes and how we fail to honor ourselves. So one is that we apologize for being who we are, for taking up space. Another is that we apologize for things that are irrelevant.

For example, how messy our hair is when we arrive somewhere. Another thing we do is that we offer unnecessary disclaimers before we share our point of view or reason for doing something. Like we’re defending what we’re about to say before we say it. Another is that we use self deprecating language. We, like, we, we belittle, belittle ourselves, or we, we say things like, um, yeah, what do I know?

You know, or stuff like that. And the fifth is that, um, we put others on pedestals rather than seeing them as our equals.[00:16:00] 

Now take a moment to consider how often we see men doing these things relative to women,

right? Okay. Bye. These things may not seem like a big deal and they’re incredibly commonplace and yet every time we do them, we chip away at our dignity and self worth just a tiny bit more. So one way we can choose to honor who we are is by treating ourselves as if we already believe that we are as inherently worthy as those we admire most.

It’s kind of like the thing we all like, we all have to shit, you know, in the toilet or whatever. It’s like, sorry, that’s kind of crude, but like, um, we’re all equal. It’s only through the stories we tell ourselves about other people that changes that dynamic. So we can also honor who we are by refusing to offer disclaimers or self deprecating words or [00:17:00] apologies about how we show up in the world.

And similarly, we can honor who we are by not thanking people for accepting us as we are and by refusing to dim our uniquely radiant light. This third thing is kind of, that was one of the big things that happened for me that I noticed. It’s like, I stopped. Thank you, my amazing partner for tolerating me like, like as though that I was something to be tolerated.

Um, I used to apologize to him for my idiosyncrasies, my quirks, my hippie nature, um, because he was like normal. And I viewed my, my lifestyle or my ways of being as a deviation from that. I’d even thank him for loving me as I was. And that’s. Pretty freaking crazy. He never even treated me like I was weird, and he loved my heart.

The way I loved the whole of humanity was attractive to him from day one, but I learned throughout my life that I wasn’t [00:18:00] enough, that I was weird because I was different, that I wasn’t worthy of another’s attention and love. So things changed for me when I stopped apologizing for being different, for no longer downplaying who I am.

I’m a freaking beautiful spirit. Like I have a great heart and there is nothing wrong with me. In fact, The whole world showed up the way I showed up. I believe the world would be such a much better place for women loving themselves and loving the whole of humanity. What’s freaking weird about that? So this paved the way for me to see that I truly am a beautiful soul who shines brightest when I honor my true nature and let my love radiate into the world.

So sister, I invite you to consider where in your life have you apologized for being who you are? Where have you dimmed your light? Because it, because it wasn’t okay for you to be you

and what need you, what might you do to, um, to move past that? [00:19:00] What are the ways that I’ve offered for you to honor who you are? What are the ways that, you know, resonate with you, that land with you, that you can potentially, um, integrate into your life? So take a moment to pause and then come back.

The fourth action in embodiment is to redefine how we will engage with others. So Sister, this is about setting boundaries. This lesson took me, um, a decade to master and seven of those years were spent working weekly with my 12 step sponsor. Uh, but the results have been life changing. I believe that boundaries are so hard to set because we fear that we’ll either invoke the wrath of or be rejected by the person on the receiving end.

And often this is, this person is someone we love or someone we have to deal with. Um, for you, this might [00:20:00] be relatively easily easy, um, or it could be excruciating for me. It was excruciating, but it was also excruciating to continue being a doormat or getting manipulated and gaslit gaslighted. However you say that word or tolerating someone else’s control issues or being raged at and like allowing that to happen.

So when it comes to setting boundaries, just from my own standpoint, my own experience, sometimes I’ve applied boundaries quietly. For example, I’ll log off at five and not check my email like so many of my colleagues do after hours. Like in fact, where I currently spend my days at a nonprofit, um, In our department in finance, there’s really no expectation that people in my role [00:21:00] would, um, would have to check your email or log into work outside of the typical business day.

And so I don’t, but even if they did have that expectation, I would probably still quietly protest it by not doing it. Um, but a lot of people, a lot of my coworkers do it, they still check and it’s, um, and they respond to emails at like eight, nine, 10 o’clock at night. And I’m like, no, sorry, not doing it.

And luckily I don’t face consequences, but that’s just, anyway, that’s one way that I’ve applied boundaries quietly. Um, by just not doing the thing that. might be expected. So sometimes I’ve stated my boundaries only when they need to be stated. Um, and an example of this, my partner, at one point he asked me to clean up his kid’s mess, um, that they were fully capable of cleaning up, but I had, I took no part in creating the mess and I was like, no, I’m not cleaning up after your kids.

They can clean up [00:22:00] after themselves. And you know, he hasn’t asked me again. Um, again, I recognize that in this scenario, I am fortunate in that I don’t have to constantly restate that boundary,

but I would if I had to.

So when it comes to boundaries, sometimes I’ve stated them bluntly, but from a place of love, for example, my dad is ultra conservative and he’s always looking for an in with me to talk about our differing religious beliefs. This is a hard ass no for me. And I have had to firmly enforce this boundary many times, even as I feel compassion for his own desire to have these conversations, like I think he’s worried I’m going to go to hell or something like that, you know, because I do not accept his religious beliefs as my own.

And, um, and he’s afraid for me, because that’s what he [00:23:00] believes. And, um, but you know what, I’m still not willing to go there, even though he’s my father, you know, it’s, and he, he’s sort of an authoritarian figure when I was growing up and, and so it’s like very strict and, but I’m still not willing to go there.

There’s a solid boundary that I’ve had to enforce very deliberately, um, several times and it’s never fun, but whatever it is, what it is. And then finally, sometimes I have to apply boundaries. Um, by refusing to engage in any non essential capacity. So this rarely happens, and it pretty much always happens with a single person who has a history of like raging at and gaslighting and manipulating me.

It’s now second nature for me to do this, but it didn’t happen overnight. So those are, that’s just my own experience with setting boundaries that I wanted to share. And for you, so now I [00:24:00] invite you, since we’ve talked about boundaries and I’ve shared my experience. I invite you to, uh, consider whether, well, not even consider, like, do you find it challenging to set boundaries when it’s in your highest interest to do so?

Why or why not? Why or why not? And what might it look like to begin setting boundaries for you? Is it silently perhaps? Is it, um, only when it’s needed? Is it bluntly, but with love or is it through like refusing to engage or something like that? You know, what does that look like? So I invite you to pause this and consider

the fifth and final embodiment that I’m going to share with you today is to enlist support from those who recognize your worth and love you as you truly are. So this is [00:25:00] a big one. Some of us, For some of us, this may be, um, incredibly challenging. Our culture has forgotten the importance that community plays in our well being.

And a lot of us are freaking lonely. Yeah, we’re freaking lonely. So I believe that cultivating community and proactively establishing a supportive inner circle is the antidote. And it’s the action and embodiment that I encountered mostly by accident of the, of the five that I’ve shared. This is mostly by accident.

Um, so let me share about that. I’m a serious introvert and I’m super picky about who I spend my time with. I cannot stand small talk. I just don’t do it well. Don’t like it. Uh, and I had no supportive inner circle aside from my partner. Um, I had a few friends. That I would talk to like once a year, twice a year, you know, it wasn’t like, they weren’t people I called on when I really needed something.

It was like, it was like, Hey, it’s been a long [00:26:00] time. Let’s have wine or something like that. So anyway, my partner, um, he does definitely count, but if something happened to him or us. I would have found myself with no one to lean on. And being an introvert and loving my alone time, um, I thought I was okay without having community.

But something clearly led me to calling the first Sacred Sister Circle that I called back in May of 2022. That was a spontaneous decision that happened after I had had, um, probably more than a couple of glasses of vino around my fire pit, put the word out there to a Facebook group community neighborhood, Facebook group.

And, you know, the next day I saw the comments and people were like, yes, I’m coming. And I was like, oh my God, I got to do this now. I got to follow through. And for the record, I no longer drink. But, um, anyway, during that time it was, um, yeah. [00:27:00] So anyway, I created my community. And it doesn’t affect it often doesn’t look like me generationally sisters ages in the circles that I facilitate have spanned nearly 40 years in a single circle.

Religious and spiritual beliefs are all across the board as our identities including sexual orientation and ethnicity. This community is also diverse in terms of our chosen work and occupations education privilege. So I love the diversity of our community and how it enriches my life. And also, um, I still have work to do in this area.

For example, my inner circle doesn’t include a bestie or a friendship where I regularly have one on one time. It also doesn’t include my nuclear family because I’m just not that close to them. I mean, I love them and I connect with them some, but like, it’s not, it’s not, um, Uh, a [00:28:00] regular occurrence, but I do have several sisters that I can call on in a moment of crisis and neighbors that I can invite over at the last minute to sit with me around my fire pit.

If I’m like having a hard time, and if I have something to celebrate, I know I have a community who would celebrate it right along with me. So sister, what does a soul nourishing community look like to you if you don’t have one? Where might you find one or how might you go about creating one? Take a moment to think about that.

Pause this video.

Okay. So I am recording this. This was going to be a live workshop with a Q& A section and a discussion section. And that ended up not happening. So I am actually recording this solo. I do not have an audience. So there is no Q& A or discussion, um, to be had. [00:29:00] But I do want to, um, leave you with, or just to, just to share the five actions and embodiments.

Just a summary of them. Number one is remembering who we are. Number two is living in integrity with our truth. Number three is honoring who we are. Number four is redefining how we will engage with others. This is the boundaries piece. And number five. is enlisting support from those who recognize our worth and love us as our authentic selves.

So I’m going to, let’s see, I want to offer you the prompts that I was going to offer the live workshop. And these, I recommend just taking a few moments, a few minutes for each prompt to journal about it. Um, and anything else that might’ve come up for you today. So [00:30:00] the first prompt is, what’s the most significant takeaway for you from today’s workshop?

What’s the most significant takeaway for you from today?

Second is, what’s the most challenging takeaway for you? For example, the thing that you know you need to do, but that feels scary or inaccessible.

What’s the most challenging takeaway for you? For example, the thing that you know you need to do, but that feels scary or inaccessible.

And the last reflection prompt is what is a turtle step you can take towards making Your answers to the last prompt less scary or more accessible. [00:31:00] So a turtle step is a super tiny, nearly effortless step. It’s smaller than a baby step. It’s laughably easy and it seems ridiculously easy, but turtle steps are freaking my favorite or everything.

So the prompt is what is a turtle step you can take towards making number two, less scary or more accessible.

And with that, that is our workshop. I want to thank you so much for being here. Um, I would love to get your input if you are so inclined to share it. Thank you. Thank you again. Um, I see you sister. This is your time to take up space to remember who you are. I love you. Let’s get you some hearts. All right.