navigating change
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overview
one of the models that i refer to when working with clients is what martha beck calls the change cycle.*
the change cycle begins with some sort of catalytic event that shocks the status quo. this catalytic event could be either desired or not–e.g. a job loss or a winning lottery ticket–but regardless of what it is, something significant has happened and there’s no going back to the way things used to be.
the change cycle uses the metaphor of a caterpillar’s transformation to become a butterfly to describe what happens to us after a catalytic event.
the significance of understanding the change cycle is that it helps us determine what actions, coaching approaches, or tools are most useful and in respect of where the client’s currently at.
*what follows is my assimilation of martha beck’s ip, which she has given permission for coaches who’ve trained with her to do. i encourage you to go to the source if you’d like to learn more about her work. she’s written a whole bunch of books about this kind of stuff!
square one
square one of the change cycle is very liminal. the metaphor is a chrysalis, where the caterpillar has dissolved into goo.
my friend, square one is freaking uncomfortable. it is a place that no one wants to hang out in–a place that many people try to fast-track their way out of. but bypassing the goo is not a great strategy because it’s going to come back in one way or another until you’ve worked through whatever it is you’re needing to work through.
the slogan for square one is along the lines of: i have no idea wtf is going on…and that’s okay.
if you find yourself in square one, instead of trying to force your way through it, i invite you to slow down and get curious.
square one questions
curious about what’s happening.
curious about the lessons this experience might offer you (important: this is not an invitation to ‘find the gold’ while bypassing the grief).
curious about what your body needs right now.
curious about what spiritual nourishment you need right now.
when i’m coaching a client who’s in square one, I’m mostly holding compassionate space for them to process things. but i’m also challenging the beliefs that are contributing to their suffering–we are not staying in the karpman drama triangle!–and, i’m probably playing with metaphor.
when you’re ready to transition to square two, you’ll just know…
square two
square two of the change cycle is about living in the land of possibilities, of dreaming and inspired planning. Though there’s not a lot of visible changes taking place, there’s a lot of internal shifting going on.
square two can be a very exciting and fun place to be!
square two’s metaphor is the forming of the butterfly within the chrysalis.
one clear sign that you’re transitioning to square two is–perhaps paradoxically–changing something about your appearance or the appearance of a space you spend time in.
i’m sure you’ve known a sister who–after mourning a breakup–chopped her hair or cut bangs. maybe that person is you. that’s a classic tell that they’re moving past the liminal space, the deeply unpleasant goo otherwise known as square one. this is just one example of what square two can look like on the outside. another might be a mari kondo-style decluttering project.
square two is an opportunity to reinvent yourself and to explore what it is your soul truly longs for. and, it’s a time to set goals that are aligned with a greater soul-aligned vision.
the slogan for square two is: “there are no rules…and that’s okay.”
when you’re in square two, i encourage you to ponder the following questions (and tweaking them to make them applicable to your unique circumstances)
square two questions
what is it that i’m feeling inexplicably pulled towards?
suspending all disbelief of what’s possible, what is it that i truly yearn to do with this one wild and precious life?
who am I, really? and what does she/he/they want?
if i could live anywhere or do anything, where would i live or what would i do?
what supports or resources would i need to bring any of these scenarios to life?
side note: if you don’t know what you want, you can keep it simple by focusing on what you would love this week to look like.
of course, our minds are great at sabotaging our dreams. we’ll touch on this more when we look at square three. for now, we’re just allowing ourselves to fantasize.
when i’m coaching a client who’s in square two, we’re probably doing some visualization exercises and/or journeying meditations. we may create a vision board that’s based on feeling states and energies (as opposed to ‘things’). we’re almost for sure working with metaphor in some capacity, and maybe even doing a dream analysis. there may be an occasional fun assignment like writing your wiki or a magazine interview about your life.
when limiting stories about what’s possible come up, we’re challenging them with thought work or a (comical) ‘name your lizard’ tool that i absolutely love. and we’re making plans that may or may not involve goal-setting (but never any smart goal-setting unless you really want to go that route).
again, square two is a fun place to be, but you’re not going to stay there forever. the rubber hits the road in square three.
square three
square three of the change cycle is the classic hero’s journey. it’s where you take action, face challenges, and recalibrate.
in terms of our metaphor, square three is when the butterfly emerges from the chrysalis. it’s a very difficult undertaking, and the butterfly trusts that she will emerge and that she will eventually be able to fly. but she doesn’t actually know that she will because she’s never been on this journey before. Only a few days earlier she was just a caterpillar!
the motto for square three is something like: this is harder than i expected…and that’s okay.
and that’s because square three is hard. achieving the goals you may have set in square two rarely follows a linear path. there are unanticipated obstacles. your friends, family, and peers aren’t as supportive as you’d like them to be–they’re afraid of your transformation! you feel like you’re being tested by the universe/God/etc. Is it worth it?, you ask.
and yet you persevere. because something inside tells you you must. you might briefly dip back into square one–this is completely normal!–and you’ll probably want to return to square two. yet here you are, creating a future that’s in integrity with who you truly are.
my friend, this is epic…and hard af. and you’ve got this.
square three invitations
when you’re in square three, i invite you to keep an image of your vision board close by. save it as your desktop or phone background. print it out and carry it with you. take a tiny polaroid of it and keep it in your wallet.
if you don’t have a vision board, maybe you have a pinterest board that you can reference. whatever. the point is to always hold close the feeling and energy states you long for. [note: if your vision board is filled with expensive items you hope to manifest, please create a new vision board!]
another invitation is to stay curious about both your thoughts and obstacles. question absolutely every thought that tries to dissuade you from your path, but do so gently, as a part of you is undoubtedly afraid. ask that part what she/he/they needs to feel safe and supported, and remind them that while you honor them, they aren’t in the driver’s seat. as for your obstacles, get curious about the lessons they have to teach you or the diamond that’s buried in the mud. there is always something to learn from a situation!
when i’m coaching a client who’s in square three, we’re doing a lot of thought work, e.g. challenging the stories that keep you stuck. we’re identifying turtle steps and recalibrating as needed. we’re doing metaphor work and maybe talking to your parts. and we’re doing whatever we need to do to keep you headed towards your own north star.
square four
square four of the change cycle is like the promised land. metaphorically, it’s when the butterfly is simply enjoying life as a butterfly. there are no massive disruptions–just small shifts to make here and there. the saying: if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it reflects square four pretty damn well.
you might be in square four for quite a while, but change will eventually come knocking by way of another catalytic event. so enjoy square four, but my invitation is to avoid wrapping your identity around what you’ve accomplished or be overly attached to what you’ve created. because again–change is an inevitable part of life.
all this to say, square four’s mantra is along the lines of: everything is changing…and that’s okay.
when i’m coaching a client who’s in square four, she’s in a good place—perhaps a very content place—and yet, the sky’s the limit. we might be exploring ways that she can move into greater integrity with who she is, how she can bring more creative pursuits into her life, or work through an irritating (but not catalytic) situation.
pulling it all together
the change cycle is rarely linear, and there will be times when you seem to be straddling multiple squares at the same time. you may be in square three in your primary relationship (if you’re in one) and square one with your new job. and of course there are nuances to everything.
it’s a model that can be very useful, as it offers us a way to help us make sense of things. and from my experience as both a wayfinder and a aayfinder master coach, i have found it to be invaluable when self-coaching and working with clients. but it’s just a model and so do with it as you will.
all this to say, there’s a lot of wisdom buried in it.
key takeaways
if you are in square one, please do what you need to do to take care of yourself. maybe you need to grieve something. maybe you need to rest. maybe you need to simply be. a counter-productive action would be to set big goals or make a big change.
if you are in square two, allow yourself to dream to your soul’s delight and stay grounded in the possibilities. when your inner critic tells you that you can’t do something, thank them for their concern but inform them that they are not your co-pilot. make a plan, create a vision board, cut bangs, and/or rearrange your furniture. remember: big inner shifts, small outer shifts.
if you are in square three, expect obstacles. expect your inner critic to get loud and your loved ones to not support you the way you want them to. challenge your critical thoughts or–if you’re not dealing with situations involving oppression, trauma, abuse, etc.–take them to byron katie’s the work. [note: there is an app for that!] accept that you might briefly find yourself back in square one and square two, but don’t worry–you won’t be there for long.
if you are in square four, by all means enjoy it! maybe plan your next adventure, even. just don’t attach your worth to what you’ve accomplished, as change is inevitable.
finally, regardless of the square you’re in, you’ll always want to stay tuned into your inner guide. she/he/they always has your best interests at heart and long to bring you closer towards your soul’s north star.
that is all.
thank you for reading! if you’d like to learn more about me (kristi amdahl), la que sabe (she who knows), and my offerings, please mosey on down to my about page. thanks!
