a practice to include in your circles
in all but one women’s circle i’ve participated in between 1999 and the current day—excluding those i facilitate—the approach to sharing has been to let sharing happen organically, where only those who speak up get the floor. this approach fosters neither equity nor inclusion, regardless of the facilitator’s intent. this post offers an alternative.
what ‘equity and inclusion’ mean in this context
it's quite simple: in the circles i facilitate—and what i'd love to see all sharing circles incorporate—is the practice of holding space for the same amount of time for each sister, whether she chooses to share with words or silence.
by ‘true equity and inclusion in sharing,' i also mean that sharing does not occur popcorn style but rather moves around the circle beginning with the sister who volunteers to share first.
this is not a formal exercise in deib (diversity, equity, inclusion, and belonging); it's simply about creating an equal playing field for everyone to share.
it's also never about forcing anyone to share who doesn't want to share; it's simply about witnessing and holding space for every sister present.
note: i spend a few minutes riffing on why this is such an important practice, which you can listen to below if you’re so inclined.
why this matters
let me explain by means of my own story. i’m an introvert with a wee bit of social anxiety. when i’m in a group—no matter how safe i feel in that group—i tend to sit back and let others share first.
in nearly ever circle i’ve ever sat in that wasn’t facilitated by me, the facilitator opens the circle for sharing. there is usually an awkward moment before the first sister shares. but—like clockwork—the first few sisters collectively take up the majority of the time available for sharing. so then the remaining sisters—usually the more introverted ones—either shorten their shares or pass altogether because of time constraints. i am that sister.
it is frustrating to feel like the only way i can take up space is if i’m willing to disrespect the remaining sisters’ opportunity to share. it is also frustrating to experience facilitation that favors the extroverts and those who take up more space than what’s equitable. and, it’s frustrating to leave a sharing circle without having a meaningful opportunity to share.
but when the facilitator ensures that each and every sister receives the same amount of time to share, she demonstrates through her actions that she values equity. and when the facilitator has a practice of holding space for each sister—whether she speaks or sits in silence—each sister gets to take up space and be witnessed. this creates a far more powerful experience for everyone, but especially for the sisters like me who might not otherwise feel comfortable taking up space.
that is all.
thank you for reading! if you’d like to learn more about me (kristi amdahl), la que sabe (she who knows), and my offerings, please mosey on down to my about page. thanks!
