How To Move Forward When You Feel Stuck

— In this Article —

A sister reached out to me the other day, wondering (in part) how she could begin living in greater integrity with herself - her true nature - when current circumstances made that incredibly challenging.

Who looks more stuck in this picture?!

My response: turtle steps.

We all have circumstances that keep us tied to our late-stage capitalist society that was built around individualism rather than community and that has effectively criminalized more utopian ways of existing.

I know this all too well. When I dropped out Purdue in 1999 to (attempt!) living in absolute integrity with my true nature, life got really fucking hard (even as it got really fucking liberating!).

More than once - maybe a handful of times - I stole food when I had no money, no soup kitchen, no relatively "safe" dumpster, no food bank to turn to, and no wild spaces to forage for food. Had I been caught, I would have been arrested.

More than once I had to sleep in parks or squat buildings where the risk of getting caught included jail time and fines that I had no money to pay...which would have eventually led to a bench warrant for my arrest...and which would have perpetuated the cycle.

So, I'm not exaggerating when I say that we live during an era where "opting out" - whether intentionally or as the result of tragic life circumstances - is considered criminal.

Of course, you probably aren't contemplating a lifestyle shift as drastic mine. But if you're stuck in a job-that-pays-the-bills or must prioritize other's needs over your own or find yourself in any number of untenable situations you can't imagine "opting out" of, you can still begin to live in integrity with who you are.

And when you do, you liberate a dormant part of yourself; you begin to change your world.

Circling back to the beginning of this post - to my response to the sister who reached out - the answer to begin living in integrity is simple; it starts when you take one turtle step. And then another. And then another.

So how do you "find" turtle steps that will move you into living in integrity when you're feeling stuck by your circumstances?

Three options for moving forward when you’re stuck:

Option 1: work with a coach…

Well, if you have the resources to work with a coach, I highly encourage you to do so, as that's probably your fastest-track towards change. Why? Because a coach - at least a good one - won't buy into the story you're telling yourself about your life. THIS. IS. GOLD. And a Wayfinder coach will challenge your beliefs, guide you through exercises like visualizations, metaphor (btw, this can be crazy powerful!), ask you the kinds of questions that ultimately trigger insights and turtle steps, and have you check in with your body to make sure that they are truly in integrity for you.

Option 2: self-coach, with the help of these resources…

Of course, many people either aren't in the position to work with a coach or simply won't for any number of reasons. This is where self-coaching comes in. My mentor Martha Beck wrote a fantastic book The Way of Integrity, and in it she offers numerous prompts and exercises to help you figure out what living in integrity means for you...and how you can begin doing it now.

Another book of hers - my personal favorite! - is an allegory called Diana, Herself. People seem to either adore it or struggle to even get into it, eventually tossing it aside because it's freaking bewildering. Don't say I didn't warn you!

[Side note: maybe some day I'll create a book club around it.]

This book may just help you reconnect with your true nature if you stick with it and integrate "the tasks" that are found throughout and offered in detail in the appendix.

Finally, I have some resources that may help, which are free and which you can find here.

Option 3: ask yourself what you can do in this moment…

Regardless of whether you work with a coach or self-coach, start checking in with yourself by asking yourself what is there for you to do in this very moment.

The answer you receive may seem strange. Remember Eat, Pray, Love, when Liz Gilbert was on her knees crying on her bathroom floor and praying to God what she should do about her marriage? She was told to go back to bed.

If you've either seen the movie or read the book, you'll know that this single, simple instruction ultimately paved the way for Liz to begin living in deeper integrity with her true nature. And look at her life now. Just sayin'.

So if you hear something weird like "rest" or "pick your kid up from school" or whatever, trust that there's a greater intelligence than your ego that delivered it to you...and that it would behoove you to listen.

That is all.