Note: this post is a (minimally edited) journal entry that I’ve converted into a blog post.
I don’t like it when my boundaries are challenged.
Being spiritually grounded is pretty easy for me when nothing rocks my boat. But when someone does something that I feel isn’t right, it’s a helluva lot harder.
This happened yesterday. It was a relatively minor slight and involved a few dollars, but it left me feeling self-righteous and violated. The action was, in my mind, unethical because it grossly pushed the limits of a preexisting agreement. I had to make a decision: do I resist what happened, or do I let it go?
That’s when fear and self-righteousness crept in. If I let it go, will it happen again? And again? Suddenly, I was imagining worse case scenarios of repeated boundary violations…all because someone tried to screw me out of a few dollars. A strong urge to control the situation took root.
I felt profound dis-ease. Nonetheless, I decided to ride the wave (I’ve also blogged about this here) and let myself experience the boundary violation without seeking a solution. It felt icky. But I knew that if I didn’t fight it, it would pass. And, it did.
A few moments later, I felt a massive warmth enshroud me. I felt at peace. And, I felt compassion rather than disdain for that person.
I recognized that I was being given yet another opportunity to grow my heart. This person obviously felt justified in doing what he did, and I decided that the cost of me “being right” wasn’t worth the serenity I’d lose by going into battle. At least not now. If it continues to happen, I may need to respond differently.
But for now, I’m going to re-ride the wave if need be, wish for him the same things that I wish for myself, and relax. And, I’m going to make a greater effort to see this issue from his eyes, without adding my own self-righteous judgment.
At the end of the day, having serenity is more important to me than being right.