A Fantastic Conversation With Psychotherapist & Transformation Strategist Heidi Gruss

Welcome to what has to be one of my favorite Wayfinder Diaries episodes to date! In this episode, psychotherapist and transformation strategist Heidi Gruss and I dive into all sorts of issues that she helps her female entrepreneur clients with. There is so much gold in this high-value episode, so I hope you’ll tune in!

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About this episode

In this episode, psychotherapist and transformation strategist Heidi Gruss and I talk entrepreneurship, transformation, and everything in between! While Heidi generally works with female entrepreneurs, this is a very relevant conversation for EVERYONE! We tackle subjects that female entrepreneurs – especially those who are building families – face like the illusion of “balance,” overwhelm, blocks, confidence, intuition, and so much more! 

We also talked about Heidi’s Transformation Methodology, which she created to be a simple yet strategic methodology for her clients to help them build belief and confidence in themselves. She shares how patterns and emotional blocks keep showing up in our lives and how she can help clients work through them so that they can achieve the successes that are important to them.

I really loved our chat about her morning rituals, which includes celebrating wins, practicing gratitude, and setting intentions. Honestly, I adored our entire conversation and am struggling to summarize it. This is an episode I plan to listen to again and again because there is simply so much gold in it, and I do hope that you’ll tune in!

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Transcript

Kristi Amdahl 0:02
Hi, my name is Kristi Amdahl, and I am the host of the Wayfinder Diaries podcast. I’m also a life coach, a blogger and a soul seeker. This podcast is for anyone who prioritizes living from a place of integrity regardless of the personal cost. Its for my sisters who know that they were put on this earth for a reason, even if they don’t yet know what that reason is. And it’s for those who are inspired by stories of personal struggle, perseverance, and transformation. This podcast is my platform for sharing the lessons that I’ve learned throughout my own very unconventional life, and for providing an opportunity for others to do the same. If you’d like to learn more about me apply for life coaching, or be a guest in a future episode, please visit my website at Kristiamdahl.com.

Kristi Amdahl 0:50
Hi, everyone, welcome to Wayfinder diaries. I’m Kristi Amdahl, and I’m your host. Today’s guest blew my mind during our connection call and I’m so excited to share her with you today. Heidi Gruss is a licensed psychotherapist and transformation strategist who specializes in working with burned out women seeking a change in their lives. She brings to her clients two decades of clinical and administrative experience in both private and corporate behavioral health settings. Four of those years were spent running a multimillion dollar behavioral health program for the state of Connecticut that became a model for the rest of the United States. Through her multi six figure coaching business, she helps women rapidly identify and overcome negative patterns of behavior that hold them back from success in business, health and life. Her clients have been able to obtain much deserved promotions, transition into different careers, create greater work life balance, and improve their wellbeing. Heidi’s expertise has been featured in media outlets such as Master Your Mindset with Coach Mark, the Bigger Braver Show, Grow Your Path to Wellness, and Victim to Victory. She has also presented to audiences of 1000s on virtual and live stages across the US. She lives in Waterford, Connecticut, with her husband and three children.

Kristi Amdahl 2:23
So when Heidi and I first connected, she invited me to have a discovery session with her so that I could see her in action. And of course, I jumped at this opportunity. And a few minutes into our call, she asked me a really pointed question that made me want to hire her on the spot. Anyway, Heidi’s a powerful force. And with that, I would like to welcome her onto the show.

Unknown Speaker 2:47
Oh my god, thank you. Now, I’m dying to know what the question was! Do you remember?

Kristi Amdahl 2:53
I do. You asked me what my program promise was.

Heidi Gruss 2:57
I do remember that.

Kristi Amdahl 2:59
Yeah, I was like, Uh, I mean, we didn’t talk about what that meant. But I mean, just the name of just that word. I mean, it’s pretty clear what it means. And I’m like, gosh, this seems kind of important. So yeah, so I’ve been like, you know, pondering that and gaining some clarity and, and all of that. So anyway, that was that really left an impression on me. So

Heidi Gruss 3:22
I love hearing that. I love knowing like what is, you know, the kind of, you know, the question that really like, hooks somebody gets their attention in it, it does, it makes you sit and ponder, because those are the questions that, you know, I tell my clients all the time, if you can just have the courage to be curious. You’re gonna unpack something so meaningful, it’s gonna be like, such a powerful moment for now. So that’s awesome. Thanks for telling me that.

Kristi Amdahl 3:55
Yeah,absolutely. Thanks for inspiring it.

Heidi Gruss 3:57
Yeah.

Kristi Amdahl 4:00
Yeah, so I would love to begin by hearing a bit about your backstory. So like, can you tell us who you are? And how did you come into your line of work? You do two different things. And maybe they’re integrated? I’m not really sure.

Heidi Gruss 4:13
But yeah, so I mean, I think I’ve basically only been a clinician, right, like, that’s pretty much I mean, I shouldn’t say that. I did have a short little stint in publishing. And, you know, I did a few things in higher ed whenever but for the most part, I always knew that I liked helping people and like having a positive influence on people. And you know, so I actually went through I my first master’s was like a master’s in education. And then I was like, you know, what, I really do want to do that clinical thing. So I went back and got a second master’s. Because I really love connecting with people. And I learned so much every time I connect with a different person, it’s just an opportunity to to learn and listen to their story. And so actually, through my experience working in a clinical setting, one of the things I started to see was that people were coming to me, and they were in distress, they were looking for a change in their life, but they didn’t really qualify for a clinical diagnosis. Right. So they’re, they’re looking for, like, they’re, they’re kind of stuck in a rut, you know, but it’s not clinical depression, you know, or they’re feeling overwhelmed, but it’s not generalized anxiety disorder, you know, right. So, but, but their experience is real, and their motivation to get out of their circumstance and to move on to the next thing was, was there and so it’s like, okay, how do I serve this population of people, and I’m an entrepreneur, I have my private practice, I have my coaching business, you know, I’ve done you know, a few other business ventures and have been very successful. And I love the entrepreneurs. I mean, those are, you know, and my female entrepreneurs are my favorite, right? It’s like, We’re our own breed of people, which I think is why we connected so, so quickly to, um, but you know, it was like, the same patterns that were coming up there. You know, hearing people’s experiences, building a business, and then trying to scale a business. And so, I was thinking about my own experience, and thinking how, how can I create a simple yet strategic methodology for people to implement, so that they can really build that belief and confidence in themselves to know, everything’s going to be okay. And this is how we can move forward. And so that was the beginning of the transformation methodology. Then what I realized is it really comes back to patterns and emotional blocks. Same, it’s like, identifying how these patterns just keep showing up in our lives over and over and over again. Yeah, so I was even reflecting on one for myself recently. This is so funny. So I remember this day, I was in college, and I was an English major of undergrad. And so we had like, a million books to read, and like, 15 papers to write each week, right? Because every class, that’s just what was expected of you. So, um, I remember like, one afternoon, and all my friends in my major, we were all kind of gathered together. And everybody was stressed, like, oh, man, how are we going to get all this work done? And I was just like, sitting there. And I remember one of my friends, Selena, she leaned over, she said, why are you not stressed out about this? And I was like, Well, I don’t know. Like, I know, there’s a lot of work to do. But I also know that in the end, I always get it done. So I can either stress myself out through the process, or I can just put my head down and get the work done. And I think I got really good at like putting my head down and getting the work done. Because then I got this, my friends used to tease me about like, she’s in work mode, you know, so that meant I was focused.

Heidi Gruss 8:43
But somewhere along the line of, you know, sort of, you know, building, you know, having a family and building businesses and trying to advance my career. I really forgot about that. And, you know, I was trying yesterday, I was really trying to remember what the moment was when I remember that moment in thought, Heidi, remember, you have a choice here. You can either be like, the Tasmanian devil being super stressed out, going through all of these things that you’re about to do, which is going to stress everyone else around you is going to stress them out too. Or you can just take one thing at a time and just know you’re gonna get it all done, and whatever else doesn’t get done. It’s probably not that important anyway, you know, but that it was a pattern for me to get really stressed out and feeling like oh my gosh, how am I going to get this done? Right. There would be like self doubt I would hold myself to these unrealistic expectations or be hypercritical about you know the things that didn’t go perfectly right and then I mean, this was probably like four or five years ago. I you know, it just kind of like it was like a brick hitting me on the back of the head. Like, where did you lose that moment, you know, in your undergrad? And you need to break this pattern, you need to interrupt this and go back to that, because it’s true. In the end, we typically get it all done.

Kristi Amdahl 10:17
So how did you end up breaking that pattern? Did you have to use any, you know, techniques, or were just the awareness of it was that enough.

Heidi Gruss 10:26
So I will tell you that in my own, you know, I am very much I walk the walk that I, you know, encourage my clients to walk, I’m walking right alongside them, a couple of paces ahead of them sort of leading the way here, I believe in all of the practices that I teach in my program. So, you know, we, we cannot become connected with ourselves to really be able to answer the questions about ourselves unless we spend time with ourselves. And it’s not just like, spending time at the spa. You know, you think sometimes when we talk about self care, people give me these event responses, right, I had a client say, I really love to take a cooking class. And I’m like, Well, that’s all well and good. But that’s a hobby, that’s really not self care. That’s kind of a you know, like a weekly event, you kind of sign up for our class you show up there, you know, you you get the information, and then you go back home and maybe implement it, maybe you don’t, self care really is a process where you or a daily practice, where you are spending time with self. And the whole goal is to build a deeper connection with self, right to really listen to the thoughts that are running through your mind, to explore them to lean into them a little bit, to acknowledge your feelings, right to promote self reflection, self awareness, and then also to make decisions about what do you want to do with what you’ve just learned about yourself? Right? Do you do you want to continue on that path? Or was this connection and opportunity to now choose a different path?

Kristi Amdahl 12:23
Do you have a favorite self care practice?

Heidi Gruss 12:26
Every morning, I start my day, while I drink my coffee, I have a journal practice that I do. And it involves identifying things I’m grateful for. I have positive affirmations, it’s the same affirmations that I write out every day. And they are connected to a story I’m rewriting that’s based off of a limiting belief, right? We all have those. But it’s really a way of really saturating my subconscious with this, I set an intention for the day. And I also acknowledged the celebration for the last 24 hours. It can be a really simple celebration, it can be something really kind of grand and special. It you know, varies by state. But that that is something I do every single day.

Kristi Amdahl 13:14
I love that I love like just the things that you include in it too. Because like for me, I have my morning ritual and my morning practices and one of them is writing my morning pages. So three pages of just basically like free writing without thinking without analyzing when I’m writing just like kind of puking out whatever it’s like almost like a brain dump in some ways, but sometimes you’re conscious. Yeah, yeah. And that’s usually like one of the first things I do with my tea and and then sometimes I’ll go into like channel writing and just like I’ll set an intention, and ask sort of like my, I don’t know, my inner guide, whatever you want to call it, like what it wants to share with me on this topic. And then I’ll just start moving my pen and stuff comes out. Like it’s really crazy. The biggest thing is I’m not allowed to stop writing, I just have to keep moving it even if it’s just squiggles and lines and stuff. And it’s like amazing some of the insights that come out of when I do that, so that’s like my self care practice one of them but it reminds me of of your journaling. I like this celebrating a win. I like I like that. I don’t do that in mine. But that’s a really cool,

Heidi Gruss 14:23
You have to do that! I was just saying to a client today, you know, we have to celebrate the small wins. Because the small wins are what feed the big wins. And the big wins tend to be events. You know, there’s a lot of time in between those big wins. And if you’re anything like me, as soon as you hit a big win, you’re kind of up level you’re like alright, well next time I want it to be this you know, alright, so always elevating that bar, which is which is great. You know if that’s what you want to do, but we can’t disregard the small wins, right? So when I used to do like more health related coaching and things, I’d say like, you have to celebrate the one pound to get to the 10 pound, right, like weight loss, you know, we can’t just lose 10 pounds in a week, like it doesn’t work that way. So be cheer to yourself on for the one pound. Um, so yeah, you got to do that. And we really, we so easily will find the thing that didn’t go well, in our day. Like if I even if I were to ask my kids, right, and they’re still young, like, okay, so like, what didn’t go well. So like, they’d be able to give me an answer pretty quickly. It’s, it’s a lot harder. When you have to sit and train your brain to think of something positive. Like, what was the best thing? What was the win, you know, what, what are you most proud of? What is just a little bit of growth? Which is something you did a little bit better today than yesterday? You know, that’s all. That’s all we’re looking for. Yeah,

Kristi Amdahl 16:02
I love that. I’m going to start doing that. I have to not forget that I said that my memory is not the greatest sometimes. But I’m going to remember that. So I’m curious, you mentioned female entrepreneurs, like, did that? Did they? Did you decide that that’s what you wanted to work with? Or did they find you and it just sort of worked out that way?

Heidi Gruss 16:23
Can I do both. And so I know, I do think I’ve had a lot of access to other entrepreneurs, through different networking groups and programs and things like that. And I like the energy. You know, I like I like the pace. I like the innovation, I love getting a room full of just creative thinkers, and just doing an active brainstorm and feeding off of one another. And I also think there’s something really special about entrepreneurship, that it’s hard to get someone who’s never owned their own business or attempted, you know, to build the business to understand that lifestyle, that experience unless you’ve kind of been through that. And so it’s a connection thing. You know, I think, I think part of it is connection for me. But also I can relate and I can find solutions. And that’s what I do. You know, I feel like that is has always been one of my strengths. Even working in sort of corporate behavioral Hall, you know, doing systems work and things is really trying to identify, you know, what are the needs? What’s the strategy? And then what’s the solution here. One of my favorite things to say to people is like, you know, there’s a solution for every problem, we just have to believe that there’s always there’s a solution to every single problem out there might not be the ideal solution, it might not be that, that fantasy solution that you’ve got in your head, but there is a solution

Kristi Amdahl 18:02
that totally resonates at totally lands with me, that’s sort of my motto, too. It’s just like, am I going to come up with that solution? Am I gonna discover it? Because I know it’s there, it’s just am I gonna have, like, the creative forces in me going to be able to see it. So does that, like, does that tie into your transformation methodology that you use? Like, what is that like?

Heidi Gruss 18:27
Solution mindset? Yeah, absolutely. So here’s the thing, right, I believe that um, as a, as human beings, we have become more and more detached from ourselves here, right? We are, we are constantly being distracted or pulled away from listening to our internal voice or in our intuitive voice, our gut reaction our feelings our thoughts. And our attention is pulled to the external, right in various ways, whether it’s media, whether it’s through, you know, social media things, we are hyper aware of what everyone else is doing. And we internalize that as what we should be doing. And we have drifted so far away from really what is in alignment with ourselves. And so, you know, sometimes even just in in discovery calls and things with clients, like I’ll ask, just kind of a very general question, like, you know, what’s a big dream for you? Right, what’s a big dream? And I remember being in this position, too. So it’s not it’s not with judgment, right? But the person will be like, sometimes it’s like, well, I don’t really know. I mean, I’d like to have a more successful business, I’d like to make, you know, six figures or I’d like to have a multi six figure business, you know? Okay, great. And so like, what would you do with that? Like, what do you? You know? Why? I don’t know. I mean, that would be really nice to like, feel a little bit more financially secure and not have to worry about college for my kids that, you know, right mix together. But what’s the big dream? I get it? But what’s the big dream? And I’ll tell you, it’s really difficult for people to answer that question. It’s almost like, well, if I say a big dream out loud, then do I have to take responsibility for that? And what if I don’t make it? Right? And so I’m part of the transformation methodology. In the beginning, it’s just normalizing this experience that I’ve heard countless times over and over and over again, we’re, you know, my, my clients tell a story that goes something like this, you know, they, they’re in high school. And they’re expected to figure out what they’re doing after graduation. Right. So what are you going to do when you graduate? Maybe it’s higher education, maybe it’s some type of, you know, certificate program or something, right. But it’s something you’re expected to move on. And then if you pursue that four year degree, which is a common plan, right, then as you’re nearing the end of those four years, you get the question again, what are you going to do when you graduate? Right? What’s your industry that you’re going to start working in? Or do you need an advanced degree to be able to stand out or do the work that you want to do? And, you know, then you make a decision and you pursue the big job? Right? And in, you know, in most work environments, you’re climbing some type of hierarchy or chain to gain status and credibility within your profession. Right? And all the while, there’s also social pressure to figure out, you know, are you going to find a life partner? And are you going to choose to have the 1.93 children that the average American family has these days? And are you going to settle down? And if so, where? And are you going to buy a home, build a home? What are you know, what are you doing, right? And so there’s all these, like, benchmark milestones that in general, people expect you to achieve. And they might not all happen in that consecutive order. But they kind of expect you that at some point, you’re going to loop around, you’re going to hit all those benchmarks. And we all subscribe to that. Because that’s what’s expected of us. Right? It’s the external questions, prompting us down this path. And we, we typically believe, like, I’m doing this, because this is gonna lead me to success, this is going to lead me to feeling happy and fulfilled, and living that meaningful life, except

Heidi Gruss 23:09
that my clients are typically mid 30s, to mid 40s. And they’ve checked the majority, if not all of those boxes. And they have achieved some type of status or notoriety within their industry or within their business. And they’re not feeling fulfilled, and they’re not feeling content or satisfied. And in fact, they’re asking really painful questions. Like, I thought it would be so much different at this point in my life, and why am I feeling so empty? And, and I had a moment very similar to that. You know, and I remember, sitting on the beach, my family’s fancy vacation, watching my kids play in the sand along the shore, and I was happy, I was smiling. And behind my sunglasses, I had tears in my eyes, because I really couldn’t access that joy. It’s like, what is wrong with this picture here? Right? Something is wrong. And when I was sitting there asking myself like, Okay, so what’s missing? What’s important to me that I don’t have right now? I couldn’t answer those questions, either. It’s like, well, I don’t know. Like, you know, what, what are some things that I see other people doing? Maybe I want to take up a hobby, or maybe I want to, I’m looking external, right? And my clients are doing the same things. And so that’s where it was like the combination of my clinical experience. And my own experience here and working through that and, and realizing what I believe is is really a massive problem affecting the majority of people, realizing I need to turn people back around and honor themselves. Honor what’s true for them. And so once that alignment is in place, and the mindset is really strong, and there is that belief and confidence and self, then it becomes really easy to move forward with conviction, right, and to move forward with purpose, and, and to feel really empowered about whatever it is that you’re moving on to do.

Kristi Amdahl 25:38
I got goosebumps, I’m just like eating up every word you said. Because that’s, I don’t know, just that lack of fulfillment, that checking off those boxes, that being successful doing all those things we’re supposed to do, it’s just it’s not for so many of us, it’s just not enough, especially when we’re living someone else’s, or society’s dream for us. You said something during our connection call that I wanted to bring up, which I feel like is so related to this right now. You mentioned a paved path versus the unpaved paths to me, and I remember you saying that, and I actually typed this out, we stay on the paved path, because it’s familiar and we get validation. And the unpaved path is the unknown and is scary. And can you talk about that?

Heidi Gruss 26:29
Yeah. So so the paved path is very much what I just described this, you know, we’re moving through, we’re checking those boxes, and did it for the most part, it’s what you’re seeing your peers do. You know, what, wherever you are in life, like, you’re just, you know, I’ve heard people say to me, like, well, I don’t know why I got engaged, because everybody in my office was getting engaged. And I had been dating this person for, you know, 18 months, and I don’t know, I just kind of felt like, okay, that’s what you do. Right? And it’s like, oh, my gosh, you know, um, but a lot of decisions are made like that, you know, even having kids, it’s like, oh, it’s gonna be so fun to have a kid at Christmas time and blah, blah. And it’s like, yeah, and what about the other like, you know, years worth of days here, where you’re like, up in the middle of the night, and you’re, you know, whatever, you know, whatever. I’ve had 3. So I get it, but, um, you know, this unpaved path is now the path that is really, it’s your path. It’s the one that no one else can necessarily validate or directs you, you know, down, because you have to be really in tune with yourself. And, and to know that you’re going to pave your own path. And there’s a confidence that’s needed to be able to do that. Because the confidence is also if and when something goes wrong. In my pursuit down this path, I’m still going to be okay. Right. And it’s the confidence that you can keep going, knowing you don’t have all the solutions identified. But if and when you need to find a new solution for a different problem, you’re going to do that, you’re gonna do that. That’s the deep level confidence. It’s not, we never have it all figured out. But we can still move forward, despite not having it all figured out. Yeah, and, and it’s the same, you know, with entrepreneurs, you know, I don’t know how many of your listeners would kind of I would self identify in that area. But you know, the beginning of entrepreneurship is the paved path, you know, that first kind of level of establishing a business, you know, you can see the courses online, you know, there’s a checklist of things you want to have in place, you know, everything from your financial things to websites and stuff. And, you know, and you create your service or your product or whatever it is that you’re in business for, and then you start selling and then it’s like, the next level. Okay, now I got this thing. I’ve got this solution. I’ve got this service, and people like it. So now what am I going to do with this? You know, what, how do I really want to make this into a sustainable business? Because most entrepreneurs start their start business ventures while they’re still, you know, working full time or doing something else, you know, it’s like, it’s a gradual thing. So, that second path, it’s a little scary, so much so that some people never approach they never go down that second path, they just kind of stay safe. And they’re like, Well, I guess this is this is it this the paved path? They did it? This is it. Right? I work with the clients that are that come to me saying, This can’t be it. It can’t. I know there’s something else be honest, I know there is.

Kristi Amdahl 30:27
So those clients, I’m sure, have fears to similar fears as those who, as the people who the entrepreneurs, for example, who see the scary path for the unpaved path and then choose to not follow it. But then those who do, how do they work through their fears? How do you help them with that?

Heidi Gruss 30:47
Yeah. So I love this. So, you know, i Those are, those are the limiting beliefs. Right? It’s like, okay, so So why why haven’t you done this thing that you want to do? Just tell me like, what’s what’s in your way? Why haven’t you done it? And you know, I will tell you, that is where I begin identifying that person’s limiting beliefs right then in there, because I’m hearing them explain, right, and justify, and, you know, they’re sort of rationalizing why it hasn’t all happened. Right. And, and that’s their experience, but it’s not a universal experience. And that’s what I introduced here, right? It’s like, oh, I’m trying to think of something I heard today, some kind of some kind of excuse or justification. Oh. So okay, so I mean, this is, this is probably a well, this is very low key. But someone said to me, I said, you know, Alright, tell me the progress. Where are we at this week from last week? Right. And there wasn’t a lot of follow through. I said, Are you telling me what happened? Right, let’s, let’s just understand what got in the way. I really wasn’t feeling well. You know, that’s too bad. You know, how bad was it? How, you know, how I’m trying to get an idea? What’s the threshold? And so that I said, Well, what are some things that you had to do, you know, around your house, or for the people who you live with? Or whatever you had, even though you didn’t feel well? Right? And this, this woman is a mom, too. And she’s like, Yeah, I have course, I had to cook the kids dinner? And of course, I had to go and do that. Of course. Of course, of course. Of course. So I’m like, Well, if, if you were able to do those things? What What’s the story about not being well enough to put some time towards your business? Right? What is this about? Tell me, you know, because I’m sure there were a lot of people that didn’t feel well, this past week, entrepreneurs that didn’t feel well this past week, but they still figured out a way to do something for their business. Right? So so the reason why I do this is because I know, this client is a fantastic mom. She cares so much for her kids. And of course, the reason why she’s saying, of course is she’s not going to let her kids down. Right? So this is where she’s really strong and comfortable. And so I introduced the idea of what if that was your response about your business? Well, of course, I still checked my email. Well, of course, I returned to the phone calls. Well, of course, I made sure that my social media was scheduled, right? Of course, I did those things. That’s your bare minimum, you have to come up now with your new standard that even when circumstances are not ideal, there’s still these things that automatically get time. And that goes back to even the self care practice. Right? You might not be feeling well, but you still do your journal activity. Right? It doesn’t take a lot of energy out. Please do not misunderstand me if you are really compromised. And I’m very, very ill. This was not the case because she’s telling me she’s cooking for her kids and she’s doing these things, right. So it’s really about what is the story in your head that’s telling you, I can find the energy to do these things for my children. But there’s, there’s I get a pass at building my business. What is that about? And so you know, I am looking for patterns with people and if this is a pattern that every time there’s some type of circumstance or ailment or just hardship. And there’s this pullback, we need to address that pattern. Why are you waiting for the ideal set of circumstances to sit down? And, and, you know, work on your business as if it’s like a perfect process? Right, there might be some things of perfectionism in there. And we know perfectionism is the show stopper. Right?

Kristi Amdahl 35:37
Yeah.

Heidi Gruss 35:38
So, um, yeah, I mean, that’s, that’s just a small example of some of the little breakthroughs that but that’s, that’s all we need. We don’t need these huge, massive like, Aha, it’s like, oh, my gosh, it was all the algorithm that was the algorithm like,

Heidi Gruss 35:58
it might be the algorithm. So you know, what I’m seeing, it’s usually these small things that we just do over and over again, that we don’t even realize it. But when you’ve got a coach or a mentor, you know, here, highlighting these patterns, or shining the light on these sorts of blind spots that you can’t see until that light is on them, then it’s like the spotlight is on you on stage, you can never unsee this behavior. Right. And then I trained my clients, you know how to go through shifting their thought process here around their circumstance, to create a different feeling to then support the action that they want to sustain moving forward.

Kristi Amdahl 36:49
Like that. I like that example you gave too, because it just reminded me of this. This email, I had to send my own coach last night tail tucked between my legs when I did it, because my last session with her the end of our package was a month ago. And she had me commit to writing 10 pitches five to, to, you know, guest blog posts and five podcasts pitches. And by June 5, and she’s like, I know, this is our last session, but I still want you to follow up with me. And I didn’t do it, I kept thinking about it was on my to do list every single day for a month that email is the only one in my inbox, I do a zero inbox. And that was the one that stayed was her email with her notes in it. And it’s like, yeah, she’s if she, if she watches this episode, she’s gonna be laughing, she’s gonna be Kristi, we’re gonna look into that.

Kristi Amdahl 37:46
Right, right, because, you know, some of the things that, you know, that would stand out to me, right? It’s like, you know, yes, I want to know why you’re avoiding that. But I also know, the longer you avoid something, the bigger the task becomes, right? In our mind, all of a sudden, we’re like, oh, my gosh, it’s going to necessitate my full attention for six hours. And I’m gonna have to clear my schedule to be able to do this thing. And, you know, we make it this, this whole big thing, right? And then like, so we clear our day for Tuesday, we’ve got the six hours, and then for whatever reason, something takes a little bit longer. Now we only have five and a half. And we’re like, oh, my god, I can’t do it. I can’t do it. Because I don’t have a whole six.

Kristi Amdahl 38:34
Right? How am I gonna do this, like spoke directly to me when you said that.

Heidi Gruss 38:40
I know! But instead, I would say, you know, what I want you to do, I want you to commit to 20 minutes, I want you to work on that project for 20 minutes, every single day, every day, seven days this week. 20 minutes, that’s all I want you to give me. Everybody can find 20 minutes. I know this because I asked my clients, how much time did you spend scrolling on Instagram or scrolling on Facebook? Because no one can scroll for less than 20 minutes. You intend to just be like, I just want to check and then you’re like 20 minutes later, or longer or longer. Right. So I know we all have 20 minutes and and if it’s really that important to you, you’re you’re going to make the 20 minute time allotment in your schedule.

Kristi Amdahl 39:27
Yeah. So that actually leads me to a question just popped up for me. What do you think especially with entrepreneurs, newer entrepreneurs who are also working a day job? Maybe they have families? What What’s your take on this whole work life balance thing?

Heidi Gruss 39:46
Yeah, so that’s it. I mean, we have to get real. It does require some sacrifice. You know, you we have to be clear that we’re making a commitment In the same way that we make commitments towards our jobs, or, you know, whenever our family or our religion or you know, we make commitments all the time, building a business, it requires consistent attention, nurturing, you know, you education, application, you know, so you can achieve balance, you know, balance. And as I said that out loud, I do believe there is, you know, we have to find our own balance, this is what I, what works for me the pace of my life, and how much time I give, you know, towards my business, you know, versus my family, and so on and so forth. We’ve, we’ve found our groove in, in what works, somebody may look at, you know, how I allocate my time and think, gosh, she works a lot. Maybe I do, but it works for me. And then it also works for me, so that when I’m with my family, I’m fully present with my family. You know, like, we’re hanging out or doing our thing, we’re, you know, but we have to, we have to be really clear on what time allocation we’re making towards our business. And we need to follow through with that. And a lot of times what I see happen in the beginning with entrepreneurs is, they say, Yep, I’ve got 10 to 15 hours a week, you know, because that’s, that’s what you need, you know, I’ve got 10 to 15 hours a week to build the business and to, to develop the course I want to launch or whatever it is. And then Tuesday night comes along, which is one of the nights during the week, where they said, I’m gonna put in two to three hours, and something better comes up. And they start the negotiating, well, I don’t want to miss this. So I’m going to do this. And now I’m just going to double up, I’m going to do four hours on Wednesday and four hours on Thursday. Right? And, and like, it’s just not realistic, it wouldn’t be realistic for me, after working all they asked me to do another four hours when I’m feeling like the tug of war, you know, the kids and stuff like that. So we we start negotiating, and then creating false promises that we know we’re not really going to follow through with. And then we’ve got the big, undone task, that is calling our name, it’s the chirp in the back of our head, right? It’s the thing that we’re avoiding, and then it starts to become really, really big, and it slows that is what slows us down. And this happens, you know, at multiple levels, you know, in business, this can be a reoccurring pattern, right. And so you really have to honor your commitment. If you say, you know, your, you know, your days are Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday, or whatever they are, I mean, you have to make a realistic plan that really works for you and your family and for the other commitments that you have in your life. And you have to follow through. Yeah,

Kristi Amdahl 43:38
that’s, that’s really good advice. So, I am we’re, we’re getting close to time. So I Okay, I’m going to ask you a question that I asked everybody. And I asked because my memory is not great sometimes. What am I not asking you that I should be asking you?

Heidi Gruss 44:01
Oh, that’s a great question. Um, Kristi, let me ask, let me think, um, where are you not asking me?

Kristi Amdahl 44:11
What do you want to share? Or what do you want to share that I haven’t?

Heidi Gruss 44:15
You know, what was a really good talk was this. This was a great a great client conversation today around making progress. The context was that she’s, she’s kind of in a, and she kind of goes after the excitement, like she likes the thrill of things, you know, and that is fun when there’s the thrill. But most times when we’re looking to achieve a goal, or when we’re looking to, you know, build a business, it’s really just accepting that we’re going to do the same things over over and over again to just kind of like build the reps. That’s what my husband says, he’s like, you gotta put the reps in, you know. And I think that’s more of like, maybe an athlete term or something, because he he’s really like sports minded. He’s always saying things like that. But I’m like, that’s true in business too. Like, you just got to put in the reps, like, you just kind of keep doing it, you just over and over and over again, and, and just know that like, it might feel a little boring. But that doesn’t mean that you’re not getting anywhere. Right? Because, you know, I’m thinking about, like my journal activity in the morning. So I think a lot of people would look at what’s in my notebook and be like, that’s what you do. But, but I will tell you that there’s something predictable about this. There’s something that is contributing to how it is reprogramming my mindset. It is when people comment and say, How did you you my my practice, when I opened up my private practice, I mean, I was completely booked with a waitlist within 90 days. And I’ve had other therapist asked me like, how did you do that so quickly? Well, part of it was I had a business background. But I just kept doing the things that I knew that worked from early on in my career, I still run my practice the same way. Same thing with my coaching business when I started that. And, you know, now I have, you know, a multi six figure income, that is, it’s solid, it’s sustainable, it continues to grow each year, I’m just doing the same things over and over again. And it seems so simple. Because we don’t have to complicate things, to achieve success. We just have to get used to doing the thing that works, and just keep doing it over and over and over again. You know? Yeah, it’s, I don’t know, I try to keep things simple. If I can help simplify something, I know, I’ve done a good job. Because most times my clients come in with things feeling really complicated, and full up in their head where they’ll be like, I, I gotta, like, unload, you know, I’m like, Alright, Let’s sort this out, we’re going to sort it out. And we’re going to keep keep you moving here, we’re gonna keep you moving.

Kristi Amdahl 47:32
I love that. I love that so much. And I can see that actually, just from our call that we had, and you’re even saying, “I might interrupt you,” and I’m like, okay, you know, and that that’s great. I actually started borrowing that in my own coaching, I might interrupt you. And it works good. It works. Well, you know, sometimes, you need to be direct about that. So this is sort of like the last question. So maybe there’s nothing else to add. But are there any last thoughts that you’d like to leave our listeners with?

Heidi Gruss 48:04
Okay, so this is my million dollar question. Okay. And we in even with my kids, like, this is something we say, at work at home. Okay, the million dollar question, when you are hitting a roadblock a barrier, or whatever? Is, is this a big problem? Or is this a small problem? And I’ll tell you why. It’s the billion dollar question. Because 99.9 things that come up, they are small problems, the big problems for all of your listeners, they are the things that necessitate like external resources, you know, I tell my kids, it’s like, we’re calling in, like, you know, we’re calling 911, we’re getting emergency personnel or, like, we, we need a lawyer or we need, you know, something big, right? It’s not a problem we’re gonna solve in a day, we’re gonna have to chip away at it, but but we’ll work through it. Everything else is pretty much a small problem. And so the idea here is, if you’re dealing with a small problem, then the amount of time, emotional bandwidth, and resources should match the size of the problem. And the emotional bandwidth is the biggest one. Because I see people get all worked up. And there they have to keep talking about the problem talking like, this is a big problem, or is this a small problem? It feels really big right now. We can sort out why this is a small problem. Are you going to be thinking about this next week? Do you want to be thinking about this next week? Okay, let’s wrap it up and tie the bow. Let’s get this resolved and be done with it.

Kristi Amdahl 49:58
That was fantastic. Just The emotional what you said about the emotional bandwidth should match it. Yeah, that’s just the size of the problem that just like, that just sticks in my head. That’s I’m definitely guilty of blowing things up. So I love that so much. Thank you for sharing that.

Heidi Gruss 50:16
I mean, so was I, that’s my whole college story, right? It’s like, are we going to be stressed out going through this? Or are we going to just sit back? We’re gonna get it all done, and we’re going to make the best of it. Right? Yeah.

Kristi Amdahl 50:31
Well, last question I have for you is, is there anything you would like to promote? If someone is listening to this? How can they work with you?

Heidi Gruss 50:40
Yeah. So great question. I actually, there are active pages being added up to my website. Right now we’ve got a big program launch coming up in September. Although for listeners that want to get a freebie that I created for them on, you know, burnout, a lot of what we’re talking about this like emotional exhaustion, physical exhaustion, I created a short 10 minute video jam packed with some tips and strategies that are easily able to be implemented so that you’re waking up feeling ready for the day, not dreading the day where you want to pull the covers back over your head. And that they can they can subscribe to my email list so that they can get some updates because we do have some other fun free things coming up in July, leading into this big launch in September, so I’m super pumped about that. So the link will be in the show notes. Otherwise, they can visit my website at HeidiGruss.com. Sounds like Seuss, it rhymes with Seuss. But it’s G-R-U-S-S.

Kristi Amdahl 51:55
Awesome. I will make sure to have all those links in the show notes. So people can find you. And if when you after you launched if you want to come back and let me know. Like give me an updated link or something. I’d be happy to update that. If I like Yeah, yeah, that’s easy to do. So you were a fantastic guest. I’m like gonna be watching my own podcast, while I’ll be editing or not editing, but like, I’ll be putting it together. But I’ll probably be listening to it too. Which I don’t normally do so because it was that good. Thank you so much. You are just amazing. Your energy is fantastic. You like you are so articulate in how you help people. And that inspires me. I just I want to like borrow some of that in my own life. So thank you for coming on.

Heidi Gruss 52:45
You’re welcome. Thanks for having me. It was really fun. There was a great connection here like right from the get go. Yeah, it was awesome. Yeah.

Kristi Amdahl 52:56
Well, thank you. Thanks. All right.

Heidi Gruss 52:59
Have a good night.

Kristi Amdahl 53:00
You too. Signing off. Okay.

Kristi Amdahl 53:07
Thank you for listening to this episode. Please subscribe to my channel and leave a review so that others can find it via the algorithm. If you’d like to learn more about me apply for life coaching, or be a guest on a future episode. Please visit my website at Kristiamdahl.com with peace, gratitude and love.